How to Get Over an Abusive Ex

by Contributor

Getting over a relationship is difficult. Getting over an abusive relationship is even more difficult, because you have to get over the person and the abuse. This article explores how.

Keep in mind that time heals all wounds. If you don't feel that you can get over a bad relationship, keep in mind that with time you will.

Realize that your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend probably had a rocky past. There are factors from his or her past that made them the way they are. Most likely, your behavior had nothing to do with their actions toward you. So stop blaming yourself. It may be hard to analyze your ex's past history because people with abusive backgrounds often times don't discuss them.

Once you have realized that you are not to blame for your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend's abusiveness, then you can start the healing process. Healing can only come about through forgiveness.

If you have a hard time forgiving your ex, then write down a list of the 5 or 10 worst things you have ever done to other people. Once you write this list down, you will probably realize that you have done things that are just as bad as what your ex did to you. Perhaps you did them over a longer period of time, or perhaps you did them to different people and didn't heap so much abuse on one person. Maybe the bad things you did were spread out to many people. Nevertheless, you have done bad things in your life and hurt people. Keep this in mind as it will help you forgive.

Practice forgiveness. Lie down on your bed and close your eyes. Let your abusive ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend into your mind and then try to feel no hostility toward them. Keep doing this as often as you like. This is not easy, but once you have done it you will be able to put the relationship behind you. As soon as you feel bitterness or hostility flip back and concentrate on the bad things that you yourself have done to other people. Once you have achieved forgiveness of your ex, you will be over your abusive ex.

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  • Break off communication with your ex because continued communication can hurt you while you are trying to get over your relationship.


  • Don't get caught up in a cycle of bitterness.

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