It's completely natural for people to look at those they find attractive, whether they are in a loving, committed relationship or not. Often those fleeting glances at a pretty girl or a handsome guy go unnoticed and cause absolutely no harm whatsoever. It's when glancing turns into obvious ogling that the problems can start. If you are well aware of your boyfriend's wandering eye, he may be crossing a line. It takes a very secure, confident person not to be a little bothered when her partner ogles other women in front of her. While the temptation may be to scream at your boyfriend, you might achieve a better outcome if you handle it with a little more grace.
Seek a second opinion. Ask a relative or a trusted friend if she also thinks your boyfriend has a wandering eye. Consider the possibility that he is simply friendly and gregarious. If you are prone to jealousy in your relationship, you could be misinterpreting his behavior. Be honest with yourself and decide if you are overreacting, says psychiatrist Gail Saltz.
Consider the reason for your boyfriend's wandering eye. If there is a chance he is doing it for attention, think about how you treat him. If you take him for granted or don't show him enough love, try making more of an effort. Make time for him. Ask him about his day and how he's feeling. Pay attention to his answers. Be tactile and affectionate with him and make intimacy a priority.
Confront your boyfriend about his wandering eye if his behavior is becoming lewd or you suspect he might cheat on you, suggests Saltz. Stay calm. Tell him you understand that it is natural for him to look at people he finds attractive but that he has crossed a line. Say something like, "It makes me very uncomfortable when you stare at other women, and I'm asking you to please stop doing it." Let your boyfriend respond. He might not even have been aware of his wandering eye or may be oblivious to the hurt he was causing.
Help your boyfriend curb his wandering eye. If it's something he's been doing for a long time, it may take time to break the habit. Agree on a subtle signal for you to make if you notice he is doing it while you're out together, such as touching his elbow.
- If your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to try to control his wandering eye, listen to your gut feeling and decide whether you can trust him or not. If you can't, it's time to move on and find a man who will focus his attention on you and not other women.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."