He lives with his mother? This is usually a warning sign for many women that makes them steer clear of such men. However, it’s not always what you may think. If a man lives with his mother to help her in her old age, it is different from a man who lives with his mother because she’s still taking care of him. A man who lives with his mother to care for her is a man to be appreciated.
You may not be a big fan of him living with his mother or meeting him while his mother is there, but understanding is what fosters a great relationship. Along with perceived problems, there are some benefits of living with one's parents. A person living with his mother may not just be a ‘mama’s boy’; he might also be a man who has the capacity to handle both the relations of son and husband/boyfriend easily.
The Important Woman
Does he know how to prioritize? Is he giving too much attention to his mother and leaves you stranded at the last minute? If the mother prevents him from going out with you and he lets her, you might not be an important person in his life. If he is not willing to give you time and love, you’re with the wrong man.
It's hard dealing with a mama’s boy– the man may love you but finds it very difficult and almost impossible to say no to his mother. This can be a great cause of stress for you and will ultimately lead to a breakup. A remedy for this type of behavior is found in the article entitled, “Are You Dating a Momma's Boy?” available on YourTango.com, where the author suggests you talk to him and try to understand where he holds you in his heart.
Three’s a Crowd
Talk to your boyfriend about feeling like a third wheel. There is always a compromise that can be made. Perhaps you can work out a schedule where he spends a night at your house every week. Alternatively, maybe he takes you out to dinner and his mother out for lunch. If you care about one another, you can learn to handle this complicated situation.
Try to become part of their family as well– even though three may seem like a crowd, go out together for dinner occasionally. You must understand that the mother only has her son to rely on and he feels he needs his mother. In an article entitled, “Relationship Between Adult Children and Their Parents: Psychological Consequences for Both Generations” in the Journal of Marriage and Family, it emphasizes how elderly parents and their adult children mutually benefit from pursuing a meaningful relationship with one another.
The worst thing you can do is keep all of your issues and anxieties inside. If there are any issues or concerns you have regarding his relationship with his mother, talk it out. Be reasonable, however, if it’s just the fact that she is living with him but otherwise does not interfere with your life. If that is the case, let them be. His mother needs someone in her old age. Perhaps he’ll one day be as loyal to you. Be understanding, but don’t hesitate to speak up when something is bothering you.
Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.
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