The hardest breakup to get over is one in which there are children involved. When you share a child with someone, you will always be linked to that person. It's much easier said than done to walk away and start a new life. Overall, it's essential to be civil for the children and take the right steps in moving forward for yourself.
In order to take the first step in getting over the breakup, you must remind yourself of what is causing you and your spouse to separate in the first place. Many couples want to work out a relationship for the sake of the children but never realize what they are putting the children through by staying. If you are fighting uncontrollably and have tried everything to repair the relationship, including counseling, it may be best to move on. Children know when their parents aren't happy, even if they don't verbally express it. Being truly unhappy can have an effect on the way you parent your children.
Set clear boundaries for the communication and relationship you have with your ex in regard to the children. It is possible to be sucked back into the relationship if the other person is still interested. Don't think it's easy to be in an intimate relationship with someone and then suddenly be "just friends." This would be like all of a sudden telling your child that you are not his parent anymore and you are now his friend instead. If one person still has strong feelings, it won't be easy to transition to a different relationship status.
Have all of your assets and custody issues settled in court. Be responsible for your children and give them hope that all the arguing and disagreements will stop. You must be strong for your children and make them feel safe and secure in this new situation. Once everything is settled in writing, the conflict can stop and you can begin to move forward with your life.
Always put your children's best interest first and don't bring random men into their lives. It's OK to move forward with your life, but take it one step at a time and don't introduce your children to every guy you go on a date with. Remember your children still have another parent, and it is likely that they are not looking to replace that person; be supportive of that.
Never talk negatively about your ex in front of your children. It's essential to support their father, as he is an important role model for the kids. If you have issues that need to be discussed with your ex, always talk to him privately, without the kids nearby.
Emily Rogers began writing professionally in 2005. She has written several featured articles for "Runway Magazine," as well as over 300 articles for various online magazines. Rogers attended Estrella Mountain College.