Mahatma Gandhi said, "Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love." Although it may be too late to prevent the argument you just had with your man, you can still use the greatest weapon against fear and anger to heal your relationship. Love can take many forms. Give full expression to your feelings -- love bomb him from every direction so that he knows he has a secure place in your heart despite your heated disagreements.
Seek to understand where your partner is coming from. When you know the reason behind your man's passion for a particular viewpoint, your arguments can have positive outcomes, including increased closeness, notes psychologist Kevin Arnold in a November 2012 article in "Psychology Today." When you take the time to figure out why your guy continues to insist that he can't deal with your mother, he'll likely be appreciative and feel loved.
Ask yourself how you would like to be treated. After a fight about whose responsibility it is to change the oil in the car, you might feel appreciative if he washed the car for you and told you not to worry -- that he'll take care of things. Do the same for him in whatever manner is appropriate to smooth over the conflict.
Give him your attention. Being ignored can feel worse than feeling hated, reports psychologist John Grohol in a September 2010 article on PsychCentral.com. Listen to his concerns without becoming defensive, and keep your ears open to the authentic need that lies behind his insistence that you take all responsibility for cooking and meals, for example. Besides being loving, this act assures that you'll both move in a positive direction.
Tell him you love him. Instead of a perfunctory "I love you, sweetie" as he walks out the door, sit down and look him in the eye. Tell him "I love you," and give him a kiss. Hold his hand and enjoy being in his presence. Make sure your expression of love is devoid of neediness that may arise from your desire for reassurance that he will accept your love. In other words, avoid saying, "I love you" and then getting upset if he doesn't return the words.
Cook him his favorite meal. The adage, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" is based on truth. Put aside your distaste for shrimp and make him a delicious pot of seafood jambalaya. Cooking is a tangible way to show your love and that you harbor no ill will.
- Avoid the trap of showing love only after an argument. You'll inadvertently set a pattern that makes fighting rewarding because of the benefits to be gained afterwards. Strive to show your guy love every day.
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