A relationship with a narcissist is an emotional roller-coaster of sordid abuse including walks on eggshells, mind twists, blame, criticism and condemnation. The false self you fell in love with is a mask behind which hides a vengeful, angry and frightened man whose sole interest is himself. The partner of a narcissist often suffers low self-esteem, loneliness, anxiety, despair and codependency. You can leave the narcissist and regain your sanity and joy by following a few steps.
Go quickly to avoid abuse, once you decide to leave. Do not argue, disagree, explain or blame -- you cannot prevail; the narcissist will twist your words and take your leaving as a betrayal. Make short, neutral statements, offer simple solutions and goals, and suggest seeing individual attorneys to settle any disagreements or confusion.
Prepare yourself during and after leaving for ruthless, aggressive retaliation and rage from your partner over being used, abandoned and financially taken; she will accuse you of the exact same behavior. Do not answer if she comes to your home, and do not respond to texts or calls. Communicate through a third party to avoid emotional upheavals, mind twisting and backsliding.
Surround yourself with loving, understanding friends and family. Separate out your bills, assets and property as soon as possible to end reasons for contact. Change passwords, establish separate accounts, and consider frequenting different shops and banks to avoid running into him. Throw away keepsakes, or store them out of sight to help you detach from him.
Cease all contact with her for at least six months to get emotionally strong and healthy. Keep a journal listing her former criticisms and mind-twists, and disprove each one with a positive statement. For example, “She said I am stupid. I am smart.” Accomplish daily goals, pray, and immediately replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. Join a support group, and consider the services of a counselor or therapist.
- Chameleon Group; Help Towards Managing to Escape a Narcissist; Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl; October 2008
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Home Page
- The Path Back to Self; Why Initiate a "No Contact" Rule When Leaving a Narcissistic Relationship; Kaleah LaRoche
- Psychology Today; Breaking Up With a Borderline/Narcissistic Partner is REALLY Hard to Do, Part 1; Randi Kreger; October 2010
- The narcissist is capable of fury and retaliation for any slight -- imagined or not. Regardless of your anger and desire to prove him wrong, do not taunt or challenge him. The goal is to regain your sense of wholeness and move on, not waste your time.
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