Everyone handles relationships that fail to flourish differently. Some individuals end relationships with miniature displays or pyromaniac tendencies by engaging in photo and memento burning sessions while others elect to remain cordial with their exes. If your husband appears to prefer the latter and, in an ultimate display of his lasting closeness to his former flame, continues to speak to her, you may find this difficult to stomach. Instead of allowing anger to overtake you, deal effectively deal with this issue to see the most positive results.
Kindly Voice Your Concern
In all likelihood, your husband is absolutely oblivious to the fact that his speaking to his ex bothers you. He is, after all, a man and they are often not the most adept at picking up on subtle cues you may be giving. Before you blow up and damage your marriage, slip on your sweetest voice and explain to him that you are bothered by this behavior. Spell it out for him, voicing your specific reasons for your anger. By using your sweet and seductive voice instead of yelling at him over something he may genuinely not realize he is doing, you can potentially reduce the frequency with which he talks to his ex without making him feel attacked and damaging your relationship. You do catch more flies with honey, after all.
Consider Reasons for Communication
If your husband has a real reason for needing to communicate with his ex -- for example, if they share a child -- you can’t simply forbid their talking. Before you try to shut down this channel of communication, think logically -- not emotionally -- about it. If your husband lacks a valid reason for continuing to speak to this ex and you feel uncomfortable with it, it is more reasonable for you to strongly request that he cut it out. Be warned, however, that trying to so tightly leash him in could lead to him pulling away with greater force.
Remind Yourself He Selected You
Your husband had his chance with his ex and he decided to pass. He, instead, picked the better of the two options -- you. Instead of allowing your insecurities to drive you crazy remind yourself of this fact. Tell yourself that he chose you for a reason and that you have no reason to be so worried about him falling back into the arms of another woman. Often, once you build up your confidence and put these worries to bed, you can tolerate his continued communication with her more effectively.
Keep Silent about It In Front of Kids
Your children almost certainly are absolutely unaware of the fact that their father speaking to his ex is a big deal. Don’t allow this issue that you are having with your husband to impact them. Instead, keep silent about it when they are in earshot. This may mean stifling some anger you feel. However uncomfortable this may be, it is vital that you exercise self-control and keep your anger at bay as if you don’t you will turn what should be a simple issue between you and your husband into one with which your children must also deal.
Seek Professional Help
If left untended to, issues you are experiencing regarding your husband and his ex may spell disaster in your relationship. The speed with which you want to rush to the counselor depends substantially upon how much his communication with his ex bothers you. If it is driving you to the brink of insanity, don’t delay talking to a professional about the strain you are feeling as the longer you let it go without dealing with it, the larger -- and likely longer lasting -- the negative impact will be.
Erin Schreiner is a freelance writer and teacher who holds a bachelor's degree from Bowling Green State University. She has been actively freelancing since 2008. Schreiner previously worked for a London-based freelance firm. Her work appears on eHow, Trails.com and RedEnvelope. She currently teaches writing to middle school students in Ohio and works on her writing craft regularly.