Some people are naturally more affectionate than others. Plenty of affection, along with a healthy sex drive, is important in a marriage. All marriages go through periods in which one person has a lower sex drive than the other, says family psychologist Dr. Juli Slattery, and this goes for men as well as women. If your husband does not show you affection, you may be feeling rejected, inadequate and lonely. The worst thing you can do is bury your head in the sand. It may be difficult to address this issue, but doing nothing will only cause your relationship to deteriorate further.
Show your husband affection. Husbands often appear detached when they don't think their wives are interested in them anymore, says licensed psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina. Greet your husband with a kiss and a hug when he gets home from work, and do the same whenever you say goodbye to him. Send him a text message or an email when he's out, just to say you're thinking about him and you miss him. Be tactile with him; touch his arm when you walk past each other in the hallway, sit close to him while you watch television, and hold his hand when you are out together.
Talk to your husband if he still doesn't reciprocate the affection. He is the only one who can explain why he is not interested in showing you affection. Leslie Garner, agony aunt and author of self-help books, suggests that the reason for a husband's coldness could be an absence of love and affection during his childhood, a lack of pleasure in sex, or the fact that he has fallen out of love with you. He may be depressed or stressed about work or finances. A medical issue may be at the root of the problem. Perhaps you have simply gotten into a rut and need to put the spark back in your relationship. Only by having an honest and open conversation about the issue can you take the necessary steps to sort it out.
Consider couples counseling if there are issues you feel you need professional assistance with. A trained counselor can help you communicate effectively and develop the skills you need to strengthen your bond, says Garner. If you are both committed to improving your relationship, be prepared to invest the time and energy required.
Accept that your husband may never be the most affectionate person in the world. Focus on his strengths and the ways in which he does show that he appreciates you; nobody is perfect. Focus on your relationship together and continue to work on your communication skills.
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