Often, when you have conflict and distress in your relationship with your mother, you need to change your belief system to begin to repair it, according to the article, "Repairing the Mother-Daughter Relationship," published on the Family Education website. Sticking to the facts that help to promote positive outcomes between your mother and yourself will assist you in finding the ability to view your issues from an objective mindset. This will also help you to avoid becoming emotionally overwhelmed.
Waiting for your mother to approach you won't change anything but taking that first step toward attempting to heal your relationship may. Change the manner in which you approach your mother. Over time, she will likely have to change her response in order to continue communicating with you. For example, if your mother was emotionally neglectful during your childhood, you may be allowing the cycle to continue by speaking to her as if you were still her little girl. Acknowledge that you are a grown woman who endured and survived a painful past. Work on accepting your mother for the woman she is and re-establishing a relationship with her based on those terms.
Practicing forgiveness towards your mother can help you to let go of resentment and unmet needs from your past. Feeling the loss, accepting it and allowing yourself to grieve can ultimately help you to let it go and move forward, according to Linda Mintle, author of "I Love My Mother, But...: Practical Help to Get the Most Out of Your Relationship." Forgiving your mother doesn't mean pushing mishaps under the rug, ignoring the impact of past wounds or saying that what happened is okay. Forgiveness gives you the power to feel healthy and be in a relationship with your mother from a place of strength and clarity.
Handle confronting your mother with care if you want to mend a broken relationship and avoid old patterns of communicating. Discussing the issues in a calm, rational manner can keep the emotions low key and help you to stick to the facts, according to Family Education. Your mother may not be willing or able to change. This does not mean that the relationship has to end, although you will likely have to accept and compromise more than she will.
Recognize that just like everyone else, your mother has her own history. She likely has unmet needs and old wounds that continue to fester and hurt and shape her into the person she is today. Mothers and daughters affect one another. She was also affected by the relationship she had or continues to have with her mother. Even mothers and daughters who are estranged but who still carry anger and resentment remained connected through those feelings. Imagine yourself as your mother and allow yourself to feel empathy for the child she was and the woman she is today. Build your relationship on the positive traits the two of you bring to each other, talk about the things that get in the way and stay focused in the present moment.
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Karen Kleinschmidt has been writing since 2007. Her short stories and articles have appeared in "Grandma's Choice," "Treasure Box" and "Simple Joy." She has worked with children with ADHD, sensory issues and behavioral problems, as well as adults with chronic mental illness. Kleinschmidt holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Montclair State University.