Being overbearing in a marriage is a serious problem that must be addressed because it may cause resentment and failure of the marriage. Although the obvious fact that you must stop being overbearing may sound simple, following through can be complicated because you have developed a pattern of interacting with your husband in an overbearing way. Often you may not even know you are being overbearing, but you're so accustomed to being this way that you react by impulse because it has become part of your routine. Love, hard work and effort can help you break the destructive cycle.
Approach your husband in a sincere and non-confrontational manner. Ask him to give you a list of things you do that are overbearing. Your husband will know better than anyone because he is the recipient of your overbearing attitude. Let him express himself and don't get defensive. After all, if you are looking to stop being overbearing it is because you accept that you have a problem with this type of behavior.
Use the list as a guideline to remember the things you need to address in order to change your overbearing tendencies.
Start by stopping your controlling impulses. Controlling your husband will only make him feel suffocated and wanting to escape. Let your husband do things he is interested in without questioning him or nagging him about it.
Stop spying on your husband and let him be an individual. Going through your husband's personal belongings such as cell phone, wallet, clothing and emails is unacceptable in a marriage. This lack of trust indicates that there is a problem with you. This may indicate that you have low self-esteem, insecurities, have experienced infidelity in previous relationships, loneliness or parental abandonment. These things tend to cause an overbearing personality.
Analyze yourself honestly. Think of the things or situations that trigger your overbearing attitude and determine if there really is a reason for acting that way. Consider whether your being overbearing is pushing your husband away, and ultimately if it's hurting your relationship. For instance, it's possible that you become overbearing when you feel like your husband doesn't want to be around, but in reality your overbearing attitude is what's pushing your husband away.
Ask for reassurance when feeling insecure or when you feel like being overbearing. For instance, tell your husband when you are feeling insecure about something and ask him to reassure you that what you are feeling is not accurate. Make sure that you do this without being pushy, controlling, manipulative, bullying or nagging.
Show your husband how much you love him and lift him up with positive and edifying comments and actions. Keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Work hard on changing, think before you act or talk, and use the love you have for your husband as the force that helps you accomplish your transformation.
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- Keep in mind that in a marriage the world doesn't revolve around you. Your husband and you are team that must work together, accept and trust each other, and that there is no such thing as perfection. In fact, a wife who acts like she's perfect is showing how imperfect she is.
- If your overbearing attitude has damaged the relationship severely seek professional help. Once you stop acting overbearing a marriage counselor can help mend some of the broken strings in the relationship.
Based in Orange County, Calif., Herman Cruz has been writing since 2007. His articles have been published in various content platforms and he also has written for Internet entrepreneurs who need assistance with writing sales letters and articles for their businesses. Cruz is pursuing his Bachelor of Arts in integrated composition, improvisation and technology at the University of California in Irvine.