How to Stay Neutral Between Feuding Friends

by Darlene Zagata

Being caught between two arguing friends can be a very uncomfortable situation. You can't take sides, or one of them is going to be mad at you, too. If you talk to one, the other may be offended. So what are you supposed to do? The answer lies in reconciliation. Get your friends to make up, and your problem is solved. Here's how.

How to Stay Neutral

Don't take sides. If one friend talks about the other, steer clear of the conversation. You could easily stick your foot in your mouth, which in the end could cost you a friend. Don't say anything you might later regret.

State your feelings openly and honestly. Tell both of your friends how you feel. Let each of them know that you care about them and value their friendship. State clearly that you will not choose one of them over the other nor will you berate one to make the other feel better.

Remind them of the good times. Mention fun, happy or touching moments your friends have had in the past. Jogging their memories can help get them smiling and thinking. They may just realize that their friendship is more important than their disagreement.

Be a friend to both of your friends by refusing to fight the battle for them. Don't let them pull you into the middle of their feud. Let them know that you're always there for both of them, but you won't be involved in their disagreement. If they have anything to say to each other, they should do so directly rather than by relating messages to you or someone else.

Give them time. If the argument has been ongoing or occurred due to a serious transgression, even if your friends agree to forgive they may not forget so easily. Don't automatically expect them to go back to the way they were before. It takes time for wounds to heal.

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