Falling in love can bring companionship, entertainment and warm feelings. It may also mean finding yourself on the receiving end of a girlfriend's nagging. While every partner you meet will have both positive and negative qualities, a nagging girlfriend can leave you feeling angry and micro-managed. Knowing the signs can help you nip the behavior in the bud, or move on before you get any more invested.
Maybe your girlfriend has reminded you to take out the garbage or tend to last night's dinner dishes. This normal behavior can cross into nagging territory when the demands become repetitious, or are accompanied by whining, complaining or criticism, according to the WebMD article "How to Stop Nagging." A nagging girlfriend may repeatedly ask for the same thing, subtly changing the way she asks each time.
Chronic naggers may feel anxious and upset, while their partners feel increasing resentment and frustration because they cannot meet their partners needs, according to clinical psychologist Randi Gunther in the Psychology Today article "Nagging or Avoiding Won't Help You Find Love Again." You may also feel guilty and attacked by your partner because you are struggling to meet her demands, and then may end up avoiding her to reduce conflict. If you find that it's difficult for you to set good boundaries, or you're making promises you can't keep to avoid conflict, you may have a nagging girlfriend.
Nagging or Relationship Response?
A girlfriend's nagging problem may seem to be her problem alone, but nagging is often a sign of a breakdown in communication. You may be overlooking or ignoring your partner's needs, which can lead to the kind of repeated complaints and demands typically associated with nagging, according to Gunther. A nagging girlfriend may have learned her behavior in childhood, automatically resorting to it without having learned to communicate her needs in other ways. This may also be an enduring problem she has faced in her other romantic relationships. If changing the way you respond to your nagging girlfriend impacts her behavior, it may mean that you have fallen into a pattern of dysfunctional communication.
In a nagging relationship, you may also notice that each of you are too busy defending yourselves to listen to what the other person is saying. If she accuses you of "always" or "never" doing something, or frequently says that she is not being listened to, these may be strong indicators that your girlfriend uses nagging to convey her needs. When asked, she may not even be aware that she is nagging you. Working together to help your girlfriend state her needs more effectively, such as directly stating what she wants or expects, can reduce the presence of nagging. If she asked you for something in the past and it worked, remind her to continue to approach you in that way. You might also ask your girlfriend to write down her demands, which can remove the emotional charge from the situation, according to psychotherapist Karen Ruskin in her website article "Nagging Kills Marriages: Expert's Solutions on Fox & Friends."
Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.