If you are a woman going through a separation, it's only natural to wonder whether your husband has already moved on. Whether your perspective is that of a spouse ready to permanently end the marriage or one seeking to reconcile, you need to know how your husband is feeling. Some of the signs that he is still emotionally attached include frequent, affectionate contact with you, accommodating your needs with respect to property and visitation rights, speaking in the present tense about the relationship and maintaining a routine that is similar to your married life.
Separations can produce bitter silence between spouses, so it is noteworthy if your husband continues to maintain frequent contact with you. Visits, phone calls, emails and texts are signs that he is thinking about you and is interested in your wellbeing. Of particular significance is if he remembers special dates, such as your birthday. Just as important is the tone of the contact. Does he still sound like he did when you were living together? All of these are important clues as to his state of mind.
Accommodating Your Needs
During a separation, adversarial disputes over deeply personal issues such as property and visitation rights are common. A spouse who sees no chance to reconcile will likely play hardball, using the court if necessary to gain an advantage. If your husband seems primarily interested in accommodating your needs, this is a strong sign that he is still emotionally committed to the relationship. For example, changing his preferred schedule at work in order to take the children on a weekend that works better for you is a sign that your needs matter to him.
Speaking in the Present Tense
The way your husband talks about your relationship can tell you a lot about what he is feeling. Language that refers to significant aspects of your marriage in the past tense, especially his relationship to your friends and family, strongly indicates that those plans have ended. On the other hand if he frequently refers to "us" and "we," expresses an interest in your social circle and makes reference to future plans between the two of you, it is likely that he still feels an emotional connection to the relationship.
Maintaining Your Routine
During a separation, both spouses have the freedom to remake their daily routine. There is an opportunity to make new friends, live in a different environment and of course, start seeing new people. One way to gauge your husband's continuing attachment to the relationship is by the extent to which he reinvents himself. Has he moved to a downtown loft and taken up with a younger crowd? Does he seem eager to participate in the dating scene? If none of these things are true, and he seems content to live more or less the way he did when you were living together, there's a good chance he is still hoping for a reconciliation.
Colby Phillips' writing interests include culture and politics. Phillips received a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Oregon and a Master of Arts in philosophy from Boston College.
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