How to Not Get Agitated at Your Spouse

by Jennifer Oster

It is often difficult to control emotions when you're engaging in an argument or your spouse does something that is upsetting. Being in a partnership requires both parties to learn to manage their negative feelings to benefit the relationship as a whole. By equipping yourself with strategies to control your frustrations, you will likely see positive improvements in your relationship and you'll set a good example for your partner to do the same in return.

Put yourself in your spouse's shoes and listen -- really listen -- to your spouse. Think about how he's feeling and how the situation affects him. You may find yourself being more sympathetic to his position or understanding why he's done something that you're angry about.

Focus on the positives. There are reasons that you married your spouse -- now's the time to remember those reasons. Reminding yourself of the good things about your marriage will help control your negative feelings.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Realize that sometimes, it's easier just to let the small things go in order to keep your relationship on track.

Remember that you aren't perfect -- no one is -- and that he can't be perfect, either. By keeping this in mind, you'll remind yourself that your spouse is only human, and you may be more willing to cut him some slack.

Know that people have different ways of doing things. Many times, irritations occur when a spouse completes a task differently than you would have done the job. Remember, just because it's done differently doesn't mean it's done wrong.

Accept change. People grow and evolve, and that means accepting changes in your spouse's routine or behaviors sometimes. By accepting change, you'll open yourself up to a new level of understanding in your relationship.

Be honest. If there is something that you can't get past, talk about it honestly with your spouse. By communicating about the major issues, you'll be able to work through them as a team. Try to stay calm, collected and respectful when addressing something that has been bothering you.


  • Always keep the lines of communication open in your relationship. The more you talk, the more you'll understand each other and you will be more likely to work together as a team.

About the Author

Jennifer Oster holds a Bachelor of Arts in social sciences from Louisiana State University and is also a certified lactation counselor. An expert in the field of infant and maternal nutrition, she began writing professionally in 2005 and has been featured in many nationally acclaimed magazines.

Photo Credits

  • Hemera Technologies/ Images