While some men seem to find dates with little effort, other men struggle to meet women. Moreover, when they do meet women, they may have difficulty forming meaningful connections. The reasons that some men are successful at meeting women while others are not differ based on circumstances, but social skills and opportunity often stand in the way of a man’s dating success.
Shyness and Anxiety
Some men aren’t successful at meeting women because they feel anxious approaching women to make conversation. This is sometimes driven by insecurity, fear of rejection or residual anxiety from past failed relationships. Even though many women feel comfortable approaching men, some ladies still expect the man to make the first move. Moreover, a study published in 2007 the "Journal of Anxiety Disorders" found that people with social anxiety may be less likely to express emotions, which can hinder the progression of a relationship.
Men may not be successful in meeting women because they are not frequenting the right places. Men who do not participate in social activities, or who choose activities where few women are present, will naturally have few opportunities to meet available ladies. Likewise, men who attend many events with married couples may not have the opportunity to socialize with single women. Often, not meeting women is simply a matter of not spending enough time in social settings with available women who share common interests.
Poor communication skills can present a significant barrier for men trying to meet women. Like shy or anxious men, those individuals who do not communicate their interests may struggle to make connections that are more than superficial. They may say hello or make short-lived small-talk, but not communicate that they are interested in taking the conversation -- and the potential relationship -- to the next level. Conversely, men who come on too strong may have difficulty connecting with women. This might include making crude or sexualized comments or trying to push a woman toward a date or a relationship before getting to know her well.
Body language often communicates more than words. “Oftentimes, what comes out of our mouths and what we communicate through our body language are two totally different things,” explains the article "Nonverbal Communication" on the HelpGuide website. Men who have defensive body postures or appear unapproachable may have difficulty meeting women because they give off the vibe that they are not open to conversation, even if they actually are. For example, if you stand with your back to others, cross your arms and frown often, it is unlikely that women will sense that you are available and open to conversation.
Anna Green has been published in the "Journal of Counselor Education and Supervision" and has been featured regularly in "Counseling News and Notes," Keys Weekly newspapers, "Travel Host Magazine" and "Travel South." After earning degrees in political science and English, she attended law school, then earned her master's of science in mental health counseling. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.