Breaking up is never an easy process, but it can be even more difficult when you live together. If you want to end the relationship, breaking up can be an easier task than asking your boyfriend to move out. Emotions can run high, and your boyfriend may be less than willing to cooperate. You can’t control how your boyfriend will react. However, you can communicate your request in a way that has a less adverse impact. This can increase your chances that your boyfriend will leave peacefully.
Choose a quiet place to have a discussion, preferably without interruptions. It’s important to choose an environment that is conducive to speaking as well as listening. Avoid choosing a place that is heavily trafficked or within earshot of other people. If you have concerns about your boyfriend’s reaction to your request to move out, let a friend or family member know where and when you will be having the conversation and ask that person to have her cellphone ready in case you need to call her.
Preface your request with some positive comments. It’s an old approach, but starting a difficult conversation with a positive statement still can be effective in softening the impact. In addition, starting on a positive note can also make your boyfriend feel less defensive and more willing to move out in a peaceful manner. Before your conversation, think about some positive aspects of your boyfriend or of your relationship, but don’t embellish the facts. A positive initial comment sets the tone for a more positive discussion.
Communicate your request to your boyfriend, including your reasons why you want him to move out. Be direct in asking. Also, use “I” statements instead of “you" statements, which can appear to judge or place blame. Explaining to your boyfriend that "I feel angry and frustrated when the rent is paid late because I could end up without a place to live" clarifies what you feel and why, but without inferring his reasons for that behavior. Face your boyfriend and make appropriate eye contact. Even if you feel uncomfortable, it’s important that you emphasize confidence in what you are saying.
Give your boyfriend a deadline for moving out. Without a concrete date for leaving, your boyfriend may resort to dragging his heels. You’ve made your decision, and neither of you needs to feel uncomfortable for an extended period of time. If you and your boyfriend have an amicable relationship, it’s not unreasonable for you to assist him in finding a new place to live, but avoid doing all the work for him. Type a letter that clearly states that he and his belongings must be out of the home by a specific date. Sign the letter and have your boyfriend sign it, to solidify the date in writing. Have a consequence, such as having his belongings removed, prepared for his failure to leave at the agreed-upon date. Consequences should be within legal parameters in your area, which you can check by visiting your local county clerk or sheriff’s office.
Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.