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How to Live With Your Husband After an Affair

by Anna Green, studioD

Although affairs can undermine your trust in your husband and cause hurt, anger and confusion, it is possible for couples to work through the adultery and rebuild the relationship. Directly after the affair, living with your husband may be difficult, as you are likely experiencing strong emotional reactions. However, with patience and commitment, it is possible to live harmoniously with your husband and re-establish a strong marriage.

Give Yourself Time

Depending on the length and circumstances of the affair, it can take months or even years to recover from the effects of your husband’s affair. The strong, negative emotions you may be experiencing are normal, but usually will begin to subside with time. Give yourself permission to feel all your emotions—rage, sadness, betrayal, inadequacy or even self-blame. Feeling these emotions is a natural reaction, and repressing your feelings will only make things worse.

Care for Your Personal Needs

It will be difficult to begin to repair your marriage and live with your husband if you do not meet your own needs in the aftermath of the affair. If you are feeling depressed or anxious to the point where your feelings are getting in the way of your parenting, work or other daily responsibilities, seeing a therapist can help you regain your balance. Otherwise, it is important to eat properly, get enough sleep, exercise and spend time with people you care about doing things that you enjoy. If your body and mind are unwell, it will make it even more difficult to live with your husband.

Address Your Marital Issues

Most affairs do not come out of nowhere, according to Infidelity: Mending your Marriage After an Affair. Thus, it is important for you and your husband to explore why he had an affair as well as what was working in your marriage and what was not working. Although talking about the affair might bring up strong feelings, ignoring any underlying problems in your marriage will make it difficult to move forward.

Communicate Often

As you attempt to rebuild your marriage, take time daily to spend time with your husband and reflect on what brought you together in the first place. Although you may still feel hurt and betrayed, try to focus on what you love about your husband. Likewise, talk to your husband about what you need from the marriage as well as what he expects from you. The more you talk about your feelings and needs, the easier it will become to function healthily as a couple.

About the Author

Anna Green has been published in the "Journal of Counselor Education and Supervision" and has been featured regularly in "Counseling News and Notes," Keys Weekly newspapers, "Travel Host Magazine" and "Travel South." After earning degrees in political science and English, she attended law school, then earned her master's of science in mental health counseling. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.

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