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How to Let Go After an Affair

by Alexandra Bee

Dealing with infidelity and affairs in any relationship is heartbreaking and may feel too overwhelming to deal with or think about at times. Struggling with the aftermath of discovering an affair or attempting to rebuild a relationship after uncovering the affair is not a simple task and requires extensive amounts of time, patience and commitment from both people involved in the relationship.

Take time to reflect and think about the affair, your relationship and how the affair is affecting it. Understand that having an affair does not mean love, but it may depending on the length of time it's been happening. Having time for yourself will allow you to gather your thoughts before attempting to talk with your partner.

Write down your thoughts and feelings by writing a letter to your partner or to yourself. This process will help you vent and thoroughly grasp your own feelings. It will also help you to choose whether or not you would like to attempt to work on the relationship.

Talk with your partner about the affair without going into extreme detail, as this may cause a larger rift in your relationship. Knowing when the affair began and with whom will allow you to feel closure and to continue on with further steps of rebuilding or ending the relationship. Express how you feel to your partner and have him explain why the affair began while also having him express his own feelings and thoughts. Confirm that the affair is clearly over before choosing whether or not to stay with your partner.

Attend marriage or couples' counseling with your partner to begin rebuilding trust and letting go of the affair. Doing so will help to strengthen your bond, find problem areas in your relationship and help with stubborn areas of trust and communication.

Take up a new hobby of your own to feel independent and to also help yourself feel stronger and more confident when dealing with the emotional pain of the affair. You can also sign up for classes or join a hobby club with your partner to spend more time together while healing.

Tip

  • Avoid holding any feelings you are having about the affair back, as this will only add to breaking the bond between you and your partner.

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