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What to Say to My Husband to Reconnect After an Affair

by Shannon Philpott, studioD

Infidelity can cause you and your husband to question both the strength and future of your relationship. As you and he experience feelings of sadness, anger and loneliness, it’s important to validate these feelings and recognize that the two of you are coping with a hard blow to your marriage. If you want to save the bond you have, it is possible to reconnect after an affair. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, many couples are able to recover from an affair with open and honest communication coupled with professional marriage counseling.

The Affair Is Over

The most powerful words you can utter to your husband are truthful ones. It’s important to tell him that the affair is over to eliminate his suspicions or uncertainty about your commitment to your marriage. Show him that you are willing to move forward by eliminating all contact with the other man. If you reassure him that these actions are in the past, you can both begin to repair your relationship and reconnect in a healthy manner, according to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (NHMRC).

I'm Willing to Talk About This

Show your husband that you have nothing more to hide by fostering open and honest communication. He may have questions about the affair that you need to answer. Although it may be painful to relive the experience, divulging details may help ease your husband’s suspicions, uncertainties and doubts. Keeping secrets or distancing yourself from these conversations can foster resentment between the two of you, according to the NHMRC. Re-establish the trust in your relationship by communicating with your husband on a regular basis.

I Was Wrong

When an affair has disrupted your marriage, it’s crucial that you take ownership for any wrongdoing. Admitting fault shows your husband that you recognize that your actions were out of line, hurtful and disrespectful. When you show remorse for your actions, it can help reestablish trust in your relationship, suggests the NHMRC. Avoid defensive tones and excuses during these conversations. Your husband needs to know that you are genuinely sorry for the affair.

Let's Seek Counseling

Even though you and your husband may be able to have an honest conversation about the affair, it’s likely that your emotions will get the best of you. If regular arguments occur, seek the help of a professional marriage counselor who can mediate these discussions. A marriage counselor can offer strategies and tips to help you cope with the affair while also finding a way to reconnect with each other, according to Mark Dombeck, clinical psychologist and former director of MentalHelp.net.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

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