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What to Do When You've Falsely Accused Your Faithful Spouse of Cheating

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr, studioD

Strained feelings and emotional disconnect between you and your spouse with disruptions in your spouse’s schedule could make you wonder if your spouse is cheating. The law firm of Doyle and Doyle advises against accusing your spouse of cheating without substantial proof in an article entitled, “Ten Signs of a Cheating Spouse.” If you blurted out your suspicions only to discover you were wrong, your marriage and your spouse might need loving repair.

Examine Your Relationship

Your spouse might not understand why you would accuse him of cheating, so begin by pointing out the things that made you believe that he betrayed you. Your list could include long hours at work, secretive behavior, disinterest in sex or more frequent calls and texts than in the past. Allow him to explain what is going on. Talk about your relationship and explore why you feel disconnected, suggests licensed professional counselor Kim Leatherdale in her article entitled, “Accused of Cheating and You’re Not?” Determine what steps you could take to emotionally reconnect. Work out a plan to spend more quality time together to improve your marriage or see a marriage counselor to work through issues you can’t resolve.

Apology and Restitution

Your spouse deserves an apology and some effort on your part to repair the damage to the trust between you. Consider options that can help you and your spouse feel more secure within the relationship, such as being clear about schedules and talking about what’s going on at work. You can find ways to encourage and affirm your spouse by complimenting her on what she does, planning a date night to spend enjoyable time together or making sure you come home after work. As your spouse what other actions she might need to feel secure in your trust.

Spiteful Accusations

If you accused your spouse of cheating to hurt him in a divorce case or to get back at him because you were angry, you’ve create major problems in your relationship, according to Doyle and Doyle. The false accusation can also hurt any children you have, according to an article on Shrink4Men.com by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, who has a Psy.D. in clinical psychology. Come clean to your attorney, the court, social workers and anyone else you lied to. Apologize to your children and explain that you lied about your spouse so they know the truth. Accept the consequences of your actions if the court or social services penalize you for lying.

Professional Help

If you cannot resolve fears that your spouse will cheat despite all evidence to the contrary, seek professional help, suggests Dr. George Simon, Ph.D., who has a degree in clinical psychology with specialization in personality and character disturbances. You could have serious psychological issues that will continue to create problems in your relationship, writes Simon in the article “Delusional Jealousy: Husband Wrongfully Suspects Me of Cheating.” You and your partner may both benefit from individual and couples counseling to create trust and respect in your relationship.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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