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How to Live With Your Husband After an Affair

by Tiffany Raiford

The statistics are horrifying: according to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy a staggering 60 percent of men and 50 percent of women cheat on their spouses as of the time of publication. Results like these are enough to make you wonder which one of your married friends is participating in an extramarital affair next time you're having dinner with a group. However, not all marriages end after an affair; many couples choose to work on their marriage and try to make amends for cheating. This is not an easy decision to make; you will forever live with the knowledge that your husband cheated and that thought can eat you alive unless you are willing to put forth just as much effort to move on as your unfaithful husband. Only attempt to work on your marriage if you both want to see it succeed; working on your marriage when one or both of you don't really want to is not constructive.

Stop trying to make sense of your husband's affair. There is no reason or rationalization for cheating; he did it and that's all that matters. Trying to make sense of it will do nothing but further upset you and make you crazy trying to figure it out.

Talk about what he's done and how he's going to earn your trust. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and if you cannot trust your husband because of his infidelities he has to work hard to earn that from you before you can move forward with your marriage.

Work on your marriage one day at a time; time will not heal this wound, it only makes it a longer amount of time that you've been dealing with the emotions of being married to a man that cheated. You have to use the time you have to work on your marriage by deciding what works for you; whether that be marital counseling, individual counseling, date nights, sleeping in separate rooms for a while or whatever else you personally need in your life.

Forgive your husband. This is not something you are likely to do anytime soon but eventually you must forgive him to make your relationship work. When the time has come to forgive, you will know. Don't try to put a time frame on your forgiveness; you can't. You may be ready to forgive him in a month, in a year or in five years.

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