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How to Get Past Infidelity

by Barbara Burgess

Infidelity in a marriage is by far one of the most devastating things to happen in a relationship. Once the bond of trust is broken, a couple often wonders how to get past it. The road to recovery will not be easy, yet the good news is, it is possible. Notice a few actions necessary to get your marriage back on track after infidelity.

How to Get Past Infidelity

Strive for healing. Once you have gotten past the initial shock of the betrayal and have worked through the hurtful stage, it is now time to move on with the healing process. In order to heal, the innocent spouse has to find it within herself to forgive. However, this forgiveness will depend more so on if the guilty spouse genuinely shows by her actions how sorry they are for hurting you.

Show, don't tell. The guilty spouse can talk until he is blue in the face trying to convince the innocent spouse that he is sorry for breaking his trust. However, your action will more likely express to your mate you are genuinely sorry. This may mean that when you leave the house you readily let him know where you are going. If you get a cell phone call in his presence, do not leave the room until he feels secure enough to trust you again. Wine and dine him as you did in the beginning of your marriage, letting him know just how much he means to you.

Play together. Spend as much time together as you possibly can to rebuild that bond that cracked due to the infidelity. Relearn what is important to the other person. If she likes sports and you do not, learn. If she likes theater and dressing up and you do not, learn. The point is to bridge the gap between your two worlds. This gap usually happens due to our being together for a number of years, we stop playing together.

Leave the past. Getting past infidelity is hard enough; do not complicate the process of getting past it by constantly bringing it up after you have agreed to work on saving your marriage. To do so will only delay the process and frustrate the guilty spouse who desperately wants your forgiveness.

Know it is not personal. We tend to take the infidelity in our marriage personal. This leads to feelings of insecurity. These feelings of insecurity causes us to spend to much time obsessing over what this other person has that you do not. Let me answer that for you--nothing. Once you believe in your mind and heart the fact you are a beautiful and loving person, this will help you not take the betrayal personally. Usually, it has nothing to do with you. Concentrate on working through this difficult time together and you will find your way as a couple.

Tip

  • Remember the love you once had for one another and hold on to it for dear life.

Warning

  • Once you forgive, leave it behind you if you both are working to get past the infidelity.

About the Author

Barbara Burgess has worked as a freelance writer for over 10 years. She has ghostwritten numerous articles, is currently working on her first children book, and has been writing for Demand Studios since 2008. Barbara studied English at Florence-Darlington Technical College.