Infidelity within a marriage is an act of ultimate deception and disrespect. Learning to get over and move on from the experience is extremely difficult since infidelity changes the dynamic of a relationship. There are steps to take to get your life back on track and to restore your relationship with you wife if you choose to do so. Nonetheless, both avenues take patience, time and extreme effort from both parties.
Choose to either leave or stay. Although your wife may want to neglect the affair and mend things with you, decide if this is something that the marriage can survive or if it is something that you cannot afford to forgive. Moreover, consider that remaining with your wife should not reflect feelings of desperation, fear of loneliness or to gain the upper hand. The object is not to win your wife from her lover. Instead, opt to continue the relationship in an effort to improve your marriage while concurrently working towards forgiveness and understanding.
Explore your emotions. You will feel hatred, anger, pain and resentment towards your spouse. It may seem easy to simply forgive and forget, however, this is hardly the case. Do not suppress your feelings in an effort to keep your relationship fluid and carefree. Express your anger to your wife and not towards her. The goal is not to push each other away but to communicate and provide a sense of understanding. This will help you mend your marriage or heal your emotional state before you embark upon your next relationship.
Explore rationale behind the cheating. Be open to talking with your spouse about why she has cheated. It may be hard to hear, but sometimes cheating is indicative of other problems in your marriage. In either instance, exploring the reasoning behind the cheating will allow you to hear her point of view.
Seek counseling. Sometimes, when emotions are high, couples are not able to communicate without arguing. Therefore, a counselor acts as a mediator to allow couples to work through issues without excess aggression. However, do not allow your wife to use counseling as a get out of jail free card. Counseling is not a free pass to continue the relationship without consequence. Both you and your wife should be willing and ready to work hard with the counselor to mend the relationship instead of relying on a counselor to work to mend the marriage.
- If you have chosen not to remain in a relationship with your wife, counseling is still a viable option. This will help you to sort out your emotions so that you will not hold resentment towards women in your next relationship.
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