How to Stop Bitching

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It's a shock when a man says to a woman, "quit your bitching." At first you're indignant and feel you have a right to express your opinions. After thinking about it, you may want to change the negative tone of your conversation. If you want to quit belly-aching, here's how to change.

Perhaps you hadn't realized how much of your conversations revolved around complaining. People certainly enjoy being around someone more upbeat and less negative. Sort through your memory for what you've been saying. Even simple statements like, "gee, it's hot today" or "look at that terrible outfit" are negative. Just recognizing how you sound is a step in the right direction.

For the next few days, consider and self-censor what comes out of your mouth. Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it contribute to the conversation or activity? Is it negative? How will it sound to the other person? You may find yourself talking less while you work through this process. Self-awareness is the key to changing this behavior.

Then spend some days putting a positive twist on everything you say. Be very deliberate with this, so that everything that comes out of your mouth sounds positive. Instead of saying, "it's hot today," say "the sun feels good after the recent cold weather." You've commented on the weather and the warmth, but with a positive spin.

Keep in mind the different ways men and women approach conversations. When a man hears a woman complain about something, he feels like he should fix it. Of course, this is a generalization, but when women talk about problems or complaints, men feel pressured to find solutions. If it's something beyond his control, then his feeling of helplessness turns to aggravation at the one who's complaining. Find another woman to confide in, converse with and complain to and the response will be different. Women commiserate with each other and provide encouragement. Even within this sisterhood, there are limits to how much complaining, whining and negative talk someone will tolerate.

The ideal thing is to adjust your perspective. How much more pleasant it is for those around you if you feel happier and positive. Choosing your words to sound more positive results in feeling better about things. Try it.

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