How to Reconnect With an Ex-Boyfriend After a Year

by Lark Brooklyn

Reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend is a road paved with land mines. Are you trying to avoid them, dig them up or detonate them? Being honest with yourself and your ex about your desired level of interaction is the only way to proceed. Communicating your wants and listening to those of your ex is how you avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Be prepared for the reality that reconnecting with your ex may not yield your desired result.

Engage in self-reflection before you speak with your ex-boyfriend. Be honest with yourself and ask the tough questions. Can you handle getting back in touch with your ex? Are you mentally, emotionally and physically prepared? If he does not want to reconnect, can you handle his rejection? If the answers to these questions are favorable, proceed with reconnecting, but do exercise caution.

Define the terms. Are you trying to date him, seek closure or just be his friend? Be honest with yourself about what you truly want. Whatever your intentions, communicate them to him. He may or may not want the same thing. You both should be on the same page before proceeding.

Take your time. Reintroducing your ex into your life should be gradual. Initially, all activities should be light, airy and fun. Discussing why you broke up and/or getting back together at this stage is ill-advised unless your intention is to run him off in the opposite direction. Going slow protects you, too, because it keeps all those old feelings for him in check.

Examine and dissect why you broke up If you are trying to eventually get back together. Are those issues still present? If they are, sit down and address them. Be considerate and aware of each other's insecurities and tread lightly when discussing old problems. Resolve them and get on the same page or phase two of your relationship is doomed from the start.

Limit your time together if your intention is to be just friends. The purpose of you reconnecting with your ex is not to fall back in love with him. Because the friendship is the only aspect of your relationship you want to rekindle you should downgrade his priority in your life. Spending less time with your ex than you would other friends gives him less of an opportunity to stoke the flames of your heart.

Keep it platonic if the intent is to be friends. Do not become intimate. Having sex will open up all those old feelings and attachments. Unless your intention (and his) is to get back together, that is a huge mistake. A friendship connection with an ex is not a sexual one. Adding "benefits" to a friendship with an ex is taking a road trip to disaster.


  • Be aware that your desired result is not always possible if you are seeking closure. It is natural to want clarification on aspects of a break-up, and there is no better person than your ex to ask for them. Your ex may not want to rehash the past, you may not get the answers you want or the answers may be difficult to hear. Agree to disagree and move on. Take back your power and give yourself closure.

About the Author

Lark Brooklyn has been writing since 1996. She has written articles for “Kill the Mic," "This is Real Music" and “Music Fashion Magazine.” Brooklyn is a Follett Fellow, a Rosebud and Weisman recipient and a Hollywood Shorts Emerging Filmmaker. She holds a B.L.S. in creative writing from Southern Illinois University and a M.F.A. in film from Columbia College Chicago.

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