How to Help Your Partner Overcome Insecurities

by Alysia D. Roehrig

Couples often think that finding a soul mate is the hardest part of a relationship, according to Bill Malone, a relationship counselor in Cincinnati. Love, as evidenced by divorces, is never sufficient to keep a relationship going. Other factors, such as maturity, good communication, compromise, cooperation, trust and lovemaking, are essential for relationship success. Lack of these factors can lead to an insecure partner who gets too clingy or jealous too easily. You can use various strategies to help your partner overcome his insecurities before they damage your relationship.

Come to terms with the fact that your partner’s feelings are real and not part of a joke. Accept the fact that he is trying to satisfy his emotional needs -- although he is doing it the wrong way.

Access yourself to ensure that you are not contributing to your partner's insecurities. Examine yourself for certain behaviors, such as flirting, failing to deliver on promises, or embarrassing her in public, suggests an article on the eHarmony website. You might be doing these things unknowingly and as such, not even realize that you might be a cause of your partner's insecurities.

Make changes in your behaviors to ensure that any feelings of distrust you partner has do not result from the way you act, notes relationship coach Rinatta Paries in a June 2012 article on the Get Relationships Right website. For example, call him when you know you will be late and avoid talking about your past boyfriends in his presence.

Prepare a meeting with your partner to discuss her insecurities. Reassure her that you are always ready to talk about her feelings and help her overcome her insecurities. Ask her to examine her feelings to determine what is causing her insecurities. Keep in mind that insecurities might come from childhood experiences or past relationships.

Let your partner know you will not replicate some of his past experiences that are fermenting his current insecurities. For instance, tell him that you will not cheat on him like his past girlfriends did.

Show your partner affection. Keep in mind that she might need you to show public displays of affection to help her overcome her insecurities, notes the Health Central website. If this is the case, hold her hand in public and put your arm around her when appropriate. Offer plenty of physical affection in private as well, particularly if you determine that your partner’s insecurity stems from not getting enough affection from her parents or in past relationships.

Fulfill any promises that you make to your partner such as staying in touch via texting or email if you have to go on a business trip. Avoid forcing yourself to meet unreasonable expectations because you must also keep your personal boundaries.

Seek relationship counseling with your partner if you want to remain in the relationship but cannot meet his unreasonable expectations or if his insecurities persist.

About the Author

Alysia Roehrig began writing in 1997. Her work has been published in various online publications. She is a teacher and educator with experience teaching first grade and special education. Roehrig holds a Ph.D and an Master of Arts in psychology from University of Notre Dame.

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