So, there's a guy who has captured your attention. The problem is that he's ignoring you and, with each passing day, you're growing more frustrated by the lack of attention. How can you possibly move forward, and in what direction? Without knowing whether he too is interested, you're left with a lot of questions. Getting the man's attention, particularly when he is ignoring you, takes patience, skill and timing. Waiting for the right place, time and approach can make the difference and turn his attention towards you.
Take opportunities to get physically close to the man who is ignoring you. This is a fine-line approach and it's important to be conscious of his reactions to your proximity. Standing relatively close doesn't necessarily mean you have to touch. In fact, you have probably "felt" someone who was physically close to you but wasn't touching you. Proximity, explains a Supported Inclusion Tip Sheet created and distributed by the City of Toronto, is a foundation for getting someone's attention with a measure of subtlety. If the man seems to increase your distance apart when you move closer, take that as a cue to move in more gradually.
Smile and laugh, and find mutual reasons to do so. A genuine smile emanates warmth and is hard to resist. Additionally, exuding playfulness usually invites other people to join you in the enjoyment. Once you have laughed and managed to at least make the man smile, you have a slightly opened door through which you can enter, cautiously. Remember that the man has been ignoring you for a reason known only to him; however, this reason could involve his feeling insecure, shy or defensive. Your job is to provide him with assurance that he needn't be afraid.
Consider your feelings and how you would like to express them to the man who is ignoring you. Most likely, the sheer fact that you are speaking to him demands his attention; after that, though, it's up to you to guide the direction of your conversation. Expressing your feelings, explains the University of Illinois in their online publication "Experiencing and Expressing Emotions," should be done with consideration for the specific feelings as well as the outcome you desire. Think about whether you know the man well enough to express strong feelings.
Express your feelings, with consideration, to the man who is ignoring you. Use "I" statements such as "I enjoy your company" or "I like the way you think." Add in a genuine smile and wait for his response. If he doesn't respond, keep in mind that there may be a barrier that has nothing to do with you, such as his being very shy. If he does respond, continue the approach by asking him questions about his hobbies, his work, family or other things he is easily compelled to discuss. At times, interject your feelings, using what he has said as something that links you to a common interest.
- University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign: Experiencing and Expressing Emotions
- North Carolina Cooperative Extension: Expressing Feelings
- City of Toronto Supported Inclusion Tip Sheet: Getting Someone's Attention
- Psychology Today: Get Anyone To Like You - Instantly - Guaranteed; John R. "Jack" Schafer, Ph.D.
- Ryan McVay/Digital Vision/Getty Images