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How to Ask if He Wants a Committed Relationship

by Anthony Oster, studioD

Taking the next step in your relationship can be nerve-wracking, intense and even confusing. Moving beyond simply dating toward a committed relationship often means finding the right words to express your feelings and deciding on the best way to bring up the subject with your boyfriend-to-be. When the time is right, be as up front and honest as possible about your feelings and hope that he feels the same.

Subtly flirt with the idea of a committed relationship to test the waters. Discuss other people you know who are in committed relationships and try to gauge his reaction. Non-verbal cues during this discussion such as laughing, smiling and sitting with an open posture may be indicators that your guy friend is interested in pursuing a committed relationship with you.

Tell him that you want to be in a committed relationship in an up front manner. Messages that are both clear and direct are the most effective forms of communication.

Be prepared for his answer. Although bringing up this topic may result in you having a secure boyfriend, he could decide not to enter a committed relationship with you. If your friend does not want to take the next step and pursue a committed relationship, you may need to ask yourself if you want to continue seeing him or if it is time to explore other options.


  • Avoiding outings, maintaining distance and keeping guard over his phone may be signs that your friend is not on the same page as you in your relationship.

About the Author

Anthony Oster is a licensed professional counselor who earned his Master of Science in counseling psychology at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has served as a writer and lead video editor for a small, South Louisiana-based video production company since 2007. Oster is the co-owner of a professional photography business and advises the owner on hardware and software acquisitions for the company.

Photo Credits

  • MM Productions/Lifesize/Getty Images