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How to Tell a Girl You Like Her via Email

by Maura Banar, studioD

Using email to tell a girl you like her has distinct advantages over face-to-face conversation. Writing down your feelings gives you the opportunity to review what you've said, and how you've said it, before sending the email. Additionally, what could be a particularly stress-inducing situation can be made less so by sharing your feelings electronically. Despite the less intimate manner that is characteristic of email, you can use this approach to your advantage and share your feelings in a way that is effective.

Think about what you want to say. Communicating via email affords you the time to consider what you want to say to the girl you like. Consider not only your feelings but how well you know her, what has led you to be attracted to her and how you would like to proceed, if she too is interested. It's also important to identify what result you seek as you compose this expression of your feelings, explain professionals from the Counseling Center at the University of Illinois in the online publication "Experiencing and Expressing Emotions." Write notes identifying important points and how you want to communicate them and then keep the notes with you as you write the email.

Write a first draft and edit it. In the email, include compliments that genuinely identify why she stands out in a crowd and why she has captured your attention. Avoid gushing and keep your explanation brief to maintain her attention. For example, begin the email by identifying the time you've spent together, such as by writing "I have enjoyed working with you for the past few months." Follow this with some compliments, such as "You have a great sense of humor" or "You have a way of making the boring things we do at work fun." Read over the email and think about having a good friend review it.

Send the message and then give her time to respond. It's important not to keep all of your attention on the status of your email after it has been sent. Doing so can cause your anxiety to escalate, making it difficult for you to concentrate on other things. Spend time with friends or family, go about your usual work, and engage in activities as you normally would.

Follow up with her in a few days. Give the girl time to read, process and respond to your email. Avoid sending additional emails, which can make you seem pushy or insecure. Think of the period of time you await her response as your opportunity to listen. This listening isn't limited to hearing what she says, it also refers to the act of listening to your own inner dialogue, including feelings and hesitations. Consider how a delay in response affects your emotions and identify any feelings of anxiety or insecurity you think may be fueling negative patterns of thought.

About the Author

Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.

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