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How to Let My Boyfriend Know How I Really Feel

by Kristen Moutria, studioD

If you have some insecurities or struggle with communicating, it's not always easy to let your boyfriend know how you really feel. However, it's vital to the health of your relationship to tell him if something is bothering you. If you don't, you might begin to resent him or get angry or frustrated over other things that have nothing to do with the real reason you're upset. With proper phrasing and by maintaining control over your emotions, you can let your boyfriend know how you feel and resolve the issue in a logical and positive manner.

Write it out. Taking the time to journal before telling your boyfriend how you feel will help you sort out your thoughts and emotions. You might be struggling with talking to him because you're not sure exactly what you're experiencing, and need a little bit of organization to figure out how to proceed. Using organization may help clarify your emotions, according to Beth Jacobs, clinical psychologist and author of the workbook "Writing for Emotional Balance: A Guided Journal to Help You Manage Overwhelming Emotions" as noted in a Psych Central article. You may even show your boyfriend what you wrote if you feel like it captures what you are feeling perfectly.

Express what you're feeling to your boyfriend -- if something specific about his behavior is bothering you -- without placing blame on him, notes Rori Raye, author of bestselling eBook "Have The Relationship You Want" in an article on the eHarmony website. Keep in mind that you want to let him know what's upsetting you without passing judgment or showing your anger. For example, if you don't like that he flirts with other women in front of you, you might tell him how it makes you feel rather than criticizing his behavior. You could say, "I'm sorry, but I really do have some insecurities -- and when you compliment other women on what they're wearing or how good they look in front of me, I feel unattractive." This way, he doesn't have to go into defense mode and defend his behavior. Further, don't tell him how you want him to resolve the situation. Instead, tell him what you want, such as "I don't want to feel like I'm competing with other women."

Ask your boyfriend what he thinks about what you said and listen to his response. Hearing your boyfriend respond to what you told him will show you if he cares about what matters to you. He may have encouraging and reassuring words to uplift you, or thank you for sharing your heart with him. For example, he might reassure you that he thinks you are extremely attractive and that you have no reason to feel insecure. By learning how to express what you're feeling without blaming your boyfriend for how you feel, you can both enjoy better communication.

Items you will need
  •  Journal

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

Photo Credits

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