our everyday life

How to Nicely Let Someone Know That They Are Annoying

by C. Giles

It can be difficult to stay calm when someone is really getting under your skin. If an annoying colleague, neighbor or relative is driving you mad, try to resist flying off the handle at them. Dealing with the problem in a more productive way will result in a more favorable outcome for both of you. The key is to assert yourself while treating the other person with respect, states the American Psychological Association.

Work out exactly what annoys you about the person who is getting on your nerves. Think calmly and sensibly about the situation before approaching her. Consider the possibility that what irritates you about her is the same quality you don't like in yourself, suggests career coach Chrissy Scivicque. This might make you slightly more tolerant of her behavior.

Distance yourself from the annoying person to give him a subtle hint that you don't want to spend time with him. For example, ask to move to another office desk to get away from an irritating colleague. Make an excuse not to see an annoying relative for a couple of weeks. This way, he might pick up on the fact that you need some space, without you having to actually tell him that he is annoying you. Pick your battles wisely, recommends psychologist Marcia Reynolds, author of "Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction," in a Psychology Today article. Expressing your emotions through actions, not words, can be highly effective.

Approach the person who is annoying you, if you simply can't bear it any longer. Do it when you're feeling relatively calm and composed, not straight after an argument. You will be more persuasive and less likely to come across as a bully if you're calm, advises Judith Horloff, psychiatrist and author of "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life."

Be tactful. If the annoying person is a colleague with whom you must continue working, or a friend or relative with whom you want to remain on good terms, choose your words carefully. Concentrate on a specific issue to get your point across but avoid making her feel threatened, says Horloff.

Listen to what the other person has to say, and take time to think about your answer. Keep a lid on your emotions to stop the conversation from turning into an argument, notes the American Psychological Association.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

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