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How to Accept His Guy Time

by Elise Wile

If your guy has been in his man cave for hours or is out with his buddies drinking beer and noodling for catfish, it's probably become clear that there isn't a place for you in these activities. Instead of allowing the situation to bring up feelings of insecurity, change your perspective so that you can appreciate the time your man takes to recharge his batteries.

Focus on the Positive

The time your man spends with his guy friends is time that you don't have to pretend to be interested in a ball game or worry about meeting his needs. Take advantage of the freedom and spend some time doing something you love that otherwise doesn't fit well into your life together. You might want to volunteer at a women's shelter, schedule some spa time or get together with a girlfriend and go on a hunt for the perfect pair of shoes for that green dress you found on sale last week. Staying in a positive frame of mind boosts the brain chemical oxytocin, which helps you to feel connected and secure in your relationship, according to psychologist and researcher Athena Staik in an article for the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.

Put Yourself in His Shoes

Chances are you'd feel lost without spending some quality time with your girlfriends. After all, your girlfriends understand how it feels to start your third diet this year or the angst you feel when your son starts to date a girl you're certain isn't right for him. Talking to your guy about the fabulous sale going on at your favorite boutique will likely bore him to tears and irritate you when he asks how you're going to fit your new purchases into your budget. The same is true for him. He knows you're not interested in the new engine he is eager to put in his truck and that you're likely to be bored to tears talking about the best fishing lures for catching bass. Time with his guy friends gives him an outlet to get his needs met as well.

Carry On

Determine that you will keep doing whatever you are doing no matter what your guy is up to with his friends, says social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson in a December 2012 article in "Psychology Today." Halvorson advises using an "if/then plan." To do so, tell yourself, "If I am feeling upset about my boyfriend spending Saturday with his buddies, then I will continue with what I had planned." Then proceed to clean the house, go shopping, see a movie or whatever else you had planned for that time. The result can be a more committed relationship and a drop in your level of insecurity, according to Halvorson.

Man Cave Benefits

When your guy isolates himself in his man cave, realize that spending hours playing fantasy football is a positive way for him to deal with the stress in his life. The time he spends picking his dream team is time he will not burden you with complaints or a bad mood resulting from overload. Avoid the temptation to view his isolation as a sign of personal rejection, and rejoice that his down time will refresh him for quality time with you later.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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