our everyday life

Signs That You Are Being Mentally Controlling in a Relationship

by Cyndi Bass

It is possible to be mentally controlling to a spouse, child, friend or co-worker. Many people are mentally controlling and may not even realize it. You may believe in your heart that the things you say and do are in the best interest of others. If others constantly tell you that you do not listen or care about their feelings, you may want to check for signs that you are being mentally controlling.

Disregard

A mentally controlling person often ignores the wishes, desires and wants of others. You might take statements out of context. You might say the other person is wrong, stupid, inadequate, crazy or lazy. Others can do nothing right in your eyes. The controller does not respect or encourage individuality, as that would be giving away control. You also demand complete loyalty -- questioning you would be disrespectful.

Degrading

A sign that you are being mentally controlling is that you constantly tell jokes about your partner and put her down in front of family and friends. You take every opportunity available to humiliate, insult and question her sanity. You call her names and tell her that no one else would want her and that she is extremely lucky for everything you do for her.

Power

As a controlling person, you blame your partner for everything that goes wrong. You get angry and jealous of all of his friends, constantly accuse him of having an affair and wrongfully accuse him of flirting with other women. You expect him to do everything in his power to please you and believe that he must disregard his own desires. You may prevent him from going to work or a ball game, and you may make him account for every penny he spends, making him feel like he does not deserve anything.

Threats

As a controlling person, when you begin to feel out of control, you might say things that intimidate her. You might threaten her with words like, "I'll kill myself if you leave" or "I'll kill you if you leave." Other threats may include her family members or children. You make excuses for your behavior by blaming it on drugs, alcohol or a bad day at the office. You do not take responsibility for your actions or words by saying things like, "I cannot control my temper" or "I am just joking." You may also threaten her by saying she will never be successful at anything unless she does everything you say.

About the Author

Cyndi Bass has been writing professionally since 2000. She specializes in writing about self-help, weight loss, health, credit, families, parenting and government assistance programs. Her experience includes ghostwriting for numerous websites, blogs and newsletters. She has worked in social services in the credit industry and she holds a human service certificate from the University of California at Davis.

Photo Credits

  • Creatas/Creatas/Getty Images