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Signs of Insecurity in a Relationship

by April Sanders, studioD

Insecurity is a fear-based emotion that often implies a lack of trust and self-esteem. These qualities hinder the development of a positive, healthy relationship. If you see signs of insecurity in your partner, know that this is not something you have caused, but rather an aspect of his or her personality. Everyone's relationship is different, so how you handle your partner's insecurity depends on how serious it is and how it is affecting your relationship. In some cases, you may be able to move beyond it. In extreme cases, you may have to end the relationship.

Needing Approval

Constant reassurance is a sign of insecurity in a relationship, writes psychologist Joseph Nowinski in the Psychology Today article, "Is It Love, Or Is It Insecurity?" If your partner is insecure about herself, she will probably need approval and reassurance. She might always want to know if you like her hair, her dress and her appearance in general. Unfortunately, reassuring an insecure person is not going to help, according to Nowinski. She was insecure before your relationship, and she will likely be insecure until she can get professional counseling.

Showing Jealousy

An insecure partner might be jealous of some of the things you do or achieve apart from him. He may also be jealous of the time you spend with other people. Instead of being happy when you get a promotion at work, for example, he might complain that it will mean time away from him. Instead of being secure enough to accept the fact that you both have other friends, he might become angry and jealous if you choose to spend time with others. Everyone deals with jealousy at some point, but if your partner is constantly jealous of your achievements, activities and friendships, this is a sign that he or she may be dealing with a serious case of insecurity.

Smothering You

She wants to be with you all the time -- even if you are doing something that doesn't interest her. She may become possessive and try to control your activities and whereabouts. If your partner wants to know where you are at every minute of the day, calls and texts you constantly or complains when you want to do something without her, she might be insecure about your relationship, according to Nowinski.

Distrusting Others

Insecure people sometimes become distrustful -- even if you are doing all you can to reassure your partner. This can manifest as criticism towards your family and friends. If your partner is insecure, he might believe that your friends are trying to take advantage of you. He may also question your actions and beliefs as well, causing you to doubt yourself and adding negativity to your relationship. Insecure people not only tend to interpret actions in a negative manner, but respond in the same way, according to University of Illinois professor and psychologist R. Chris Fraley, quoted in the Psych Central article, "Insecurity Undermines Relationships."

About the Author

April Sanders is a writer, teacher and the mother of three boys. Raised on an organic farm, she is an avid gardener and believes that good growth starts with a rich, supportive foundation -- a philosophy that serves her well in both gardening and teaching. Sanders has written for Nickelodeon, Warner Brothers, Smarted Balanced, PARCC and others.

Photo Credits

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