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How to Keep the Chase Going in a New Relationship

by C. Giles

A bit of mystery can go a long way in a new relationship. No matter how attracted you are to your new love interest, holding back a little makes you seem like more of a challenge, which many people -- both men and women -- find extremely appealing. Men in particular enjoy "the chase." To many, pursuing a partner who seems to be unattainable is more interesting than one who shows how interested she is from the outset.

Keep texting to a minimum, advises psychologist Diana Kirschner in the "Cosmopolitan" article "5 Times You Shouldn't Text Him." Communication by text message has become a huge part of modern dating, and it's easy to get carried away. If you text a guy too often, he might feel overwhelmed. When he does text you, wait an hour or so before replying. Making him wait a little longer may work in your favor and keep him interested in the chase. Never send text messages when you're drunk or angry. It only takes a few seconds to write something you might later regret, and you can't take it back, warns Kirschner.

Make yourself unavailable now and again. You might be desperate to see your partner, but you need to show you have a social life that doesn't involve him. If he suggests meeting up one evening, tell him you're really sorry but you already have plans, and ask if you could meet up with him the following night. You're not giving him the brush-off, just letting him know you have a full, interesting life that is separate from him.

Delay having sex. It's easier said than done in many cases, particularly when there is a strong physical attraction. Getting intimate in the bedroom ends the chase, one way or another. It either lets the other person know you have strong feelings and want to have a serious relationship or prevents a fling from developing into a deeper emotional connection. Either way, it makes sense to bide your time.

Keep your partner guessing. This might involve acting very interested one day, and not as much the next. The key is to ramp up the flirtatious behavior when you're acting interested and not withdrawing too much when you're not, to keep it fun. It's a fine line to walk, but if you do it the right way, it can help keep the chase going in a new relationship. Think of it as holding back a little rather than playing games.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

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