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How to Handle a Commitment Phobic Boyfriend

by Robyn Lynne Schechter

Being romantically involved with a commitment phobic man can be a trying experience that takes a toll on your self-esteem. There are a number of reasons why a man might be wary of commitment so you should not automatically think the problem is with you. You have plenty of options on how to respond to a man with commitment issues; ultimately, you have power because you can either choose to stay or to walk away.

Allow him to chase you. A boyfriend can be commitment phobic not because he has deep-rooted personal issues, but merely because you are chasing him instead of vice versa. By limiting the amount of time you spend emailing, texting or chatting on the phone as well as the number of dates you have per week, you will not only send the message that you aren't looking to lock him down, but that you have other social options that don't involve or depend on him. Once you have taken the pressure off your boyfriend to commit, ironically, he may be more likely to want to solidify the relationship.

Ask him why he is hesitant to commit to the relationship. When a boyfriend is not eager to commit to a relationship it is easy to take that personally. Sometimes, however, commitment phobic behavior stems not from wanting to continue dating others in addition to you, but from previously suffered trauma. Divorce, cheating and losing a loved one can make a good-hearted man shy away from being in a relationship out of fear of being hurt. Before assuming that your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to you, gently inquire as to why he feels the way he does. Listening to, understanding and rationally discussing his reasons could strengthen the bond between the two of you.

Stay focused on you. Life is short and should be filled with everything your heart desires. If being in a committed relationship is important to you, do not waste time trying to convince or persuade your boyfriend of your worth or the value of the relationship. Not only does convincing and persuading increase the likelihood that he will remain resistant to the idea of committing, but you are wasting time that you can spend on more fruitful endeavors or hobbies as well as finding a man who will commit to you.

About the Author

Robyn Lynne Schechter is a freelance writer currently living in Los Angeles, Calif. She has been an online contributor since 2007 on brandchannel.com, covering branding developments in the fashion, music, sports and entertainment industries. Schechter graduated from Hood College with a Bachelor of Arts in political science and is also a graduate of Albany Law School.

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