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How to Get a Guy Without Looking Desperate

by Latoya Newman

The familiar practice on the social scene is for the man to approach the woman. However, you may miss an opportunity in waiting for the man to come to you, as he may very well be interested but feeling shy, unsure of himself or unclear about whether or not you are interested. Fortunately, subtle cues and actions exist that you can use to let him know that you are definitely interested and would like to get to know him better, without you appearing desperate.

Close the Gap

Lessen the amount of space between you and him. Leaning forward and being attentive during a conversation sends the signal that you are interested and engaged in what he is saying or doing, states author and behavioral investigator, Vanessa Van Edwards, in the Huffington Post article, "The Body Language of Attraction." Tilting your head to one side to reveal your neck is another subtle sign that can build intimacy in the moment of interaction.

Assume the “I’m Available” Posture

There are particular non-verbal cues and body attitudes that send clear messages of availability. These include a warm, inviting smile, unfolding your arms, keeping your legs uncrossed, looking up and making eye contact. Looking over his head while he is speaking or constantly looking around the room or at your phone is more likely to show disinterest or boredom.

Make First Contact

The more traditional route is for the man to initiate contact after the first date or meeting. However, this is a step that a woman can take if she is not afraid to show that she is interested. Sending a text, emailing or making a phone call to tell him how much of a good time you had can be construed as more an act of courtesy than desperation. If he had a great time too, then this gesture will simply top off a good encounter, according to Jane Collingwood in the Psych Central article entitled, "Modern Love: Ways Women Can Be More Assertive."

Be Assertive

If there is a guy that you are interested in you can step beyond the traditional and go half way or cover the whole tab, hold the door open, initiate contact or even ask him out. You may find that he is more appreciative than affronted by your assertiveness. If he is put off by your self-confidence, then remember that there are many more fish in the sea.

About the Author

Latoya Newman is a novelist who wrote and published her first novel in 2012. She has a background in education, research and counseling. She taught at the elementary level for eight years, and has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from York University in Toronto, Canada.

Photo Credits

  • Christopher Robbins/Digital Vision/Getty Images