our everyday life

Angry Words in Marriage

by Kimberly Yates, studioD

No relationship is perfect. When you live with someone, even someone you love, there are going to be times you get irritated and say angry words to that person. However, anger doesn't have to be a relationship killer, as long as you remember to express yourself appropriately and learn to move on.

Letting It Out

Unexpressed anger can cause more problems for your relationship down the road. If you never tell your spouse what's bothering you, he'll never stop the annoying behavior. Then, you'll get more and more frustrated until you explode and say much harsher things than you intended. Therefore, it's better to express your anger in a healthy way. Be specific and direct. Tell your spouse exactly what is bothering you and why. Make sure to keep the focus on your feelings and not use your anger as a personal attack. In this way, your angry words can start a healthy dialogue instead of a pointless argument.

Determine the Source

Anger is often a response to insult or injury. Someone hurts you and you instinctively want to retaliate. Sometimes, though, anger can be a mask for other emotions such as fear. For example, your husband is late coming home from work. He doesn't call or text, and he doesn't answer when you call him. You start to worry that something has happened to him and then, when he walks in, that fear turns to anger and you lash out verbally. If you understand that your true emotion is fear and not anger, you will be better able to avoid saying things you might regret.

Put on Your Listening Ears

When you use angry words with your spouse, chances are good that he will respond in kind. He may have his own problems or irritations that he wants addressed. This is when good listening skills become important. Give him a chance to express himself and then work together to find a solution. It's best to come up with several different remedies and compromise so no one is a clear winner or loser. Using this strategy can turn your angry words into positive change.

Forgiveness Matters

Forgiveness is the final key in dealing with angry words in your marriage. It not only helps you get over the angry words said to you but also keeps you from saying angry things in the future. In fact, the more you forgive your spouse, the less likely you are to have conflict with him later. So, after you've both expressed yourselves, take a deep breath and start focusing on the positive, on the things that you love about your spouse. Then the anger will move to the past where it belongs and you'll both be able to move forward.

About the Author

Kimberly Yates has been both writing and teaching since 1997. She has been published in a variety of magazines, including "The Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine" and "Woman's World." She has a Bachelor's degree in English and a Masters in English education.

Photo Credits

  • Pixland/Pixland/Getty Images