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What Would I Say to Flirt With a Quiet Guy?

by Arlin Cuncic

A quiet guy who is shy or introverted is less likely to make the first move -- forcing you to take charge when it comes to initiating flirting. While an aggressive approach might work with an outgoing or extroverted man, a shy or quiet guy could be put off by a girl who comes on too strong. Flirting with a shy guy requires a delicate balance between letting him know that you are interested -- and not being so forward that he retreats back into his shell. Approach him in a way that keeps him feeling comfortable, and you will be more likely to see a quiet guy open up.

Comment About the Situation

A quiet guy might be shy or introverted -- either way he is less likely to strike up a conversation with you even if he likes you. One way people start flirting is to simply offer a bit of small talk, according to the Social Issues Research Centre. Instead of asking a direct question that might make him feel "on the spot," use what is known as an "impersonal interrogative comment" -- something that you say about the situation that doesn't require a response. For example, you might say "Nice weather we are having, eh?" or "It's really busy in here tonight, isn't it?" The idea is to give a conversation opener that is not threatening and will let him know that you are interested in talking. If he shows any interest at all -- you can follow up with open-ended questions to get a conversation started.

Give a Compliment

A quiet or shy guy can be brought out of his shell with a compliment, says psychologist and love expert Diana Kirschner, in the article, "8 Best Flirting Tips to Bring a Shy Guy Out of His Shell." Compliments can take many forms, including those about his appearance, his personality, skills and attributes. Tell him that you love his eyes, that his jokes make you laugh or how much you admire his work ethic. He will appreciate the praise -- especially if you are sincere with what you say. A compliment will help to boost his confidence and self-esteem -- making it easier for him to talk openly with you.

Find Common Interests

Flirting with a shy or quiet guy can also mean finding out what you have in common, says Kirschner. Ask open-ended questions to learn more about his opinions, hobbies and favorite things. For example, if you are a fellow runner, say something like, "I heard that you are training for a marathon. How do you manage to fit that in with your work schedule?" If the quiet guy seems apprehensive about talking, try not to take it personally. Those who are shy may have trouble opening up at first, says Indiana University Southeast psychology professor Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D. Once you hit upon a topic that is of mutual interest, and you get to know each other better, the conversation will eventually start to flow naturally between you.

Be a Little Forward

Although you don't want to be overly aggressive with a quiet or shy guy, at some point you will need to take the lead and let him know how you feel, says Kirschner. This could mean touching him on the arm when you talk, saying that you would like to see him again when you part ways or even kissing him first -- if you are on a date. People who are shy tend to doubt themselves and expect to be negatively judged by others, says Carducci -- so it helps to be extra warm and friendly with a quiet guy. Just be sure to watch how he responds to these forward gestures, and take a step back if it doesn't seem like he is interested. If he touches you back or makes plans for another date -- the feelings that you have are probably mutual.

About the Author

Arlin Cuncic has been writing about mental health since 2007, specializing in social anxiety disorder and depression topics. She served as the managing editor of the "Journal of Attention Disorders" and has worked in a variety of research settings. Cuncic holds an M.A. in clinical psychology.

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