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How Do Girls Tell If a Guy Is Confident?

by Stacey Elkins, studioD

A man with confidence turns heads and has a certain allure. People who are confident have an accurate picture of their personality and abilities and believe in themselves enough to act genuinely, says Derek Whitney, an active blogger for the website Aligned Signs, a Myers Briggs type personality test website, and author of "The Fine Line Between Self-Confidence & Cockiness" on the website, PsychCentral. There are certain characteristics of a confident man that a woman can easily pick up on, such as his body language, the way he responds to failures, his ability to actively listen and his comfort in his own skin.

Body Language

A confident man's body language will exude his confidence. He will walk and sit in an upright position, avoiding slouching. A man standing up straight is one of the most important ways of showing confidence, says Andrew Moore, author of "Top 10 Ways to Show Confidence With Body Language" on the website, FoxNews. A confident man will have a firm handshake, maintain eye contact and will smile. He will not fidget and he will keep his hands out of his pockets. A confident man may talk with his hands open, palms facing down, communicating that he knows what he is talking about, says Susan Weinschenk, a behavioral psychologist and author of "Your Hand Gestures are Speaking For You" on the website, Psychology Today. He may touch your arm while he is talking or give you a pat on the back. He may take wide steps when he walks, suggesting purpose and confidence.

Learn From Failing

A self-confident person will admit to making a mistake without apologizing repeatedly or rationalizing their behavior, says Whitney. A confident man won't blame someone else for his behavior. He learns from his mistakes and does not dwell on them or let them define him. People are human and make mistakes and a confident man recognizes this and moves on. A person who is not confident is more likely to blame others for his mistake. For example, a confident man might make a mistake at work, own up to it and rather than beat himself up over it, learn from it and improve his future work.

Active Listening

Confident men don't feel the need to excessively talk about themselves. A person who is actively listening makes the speaker feel heard, according to GoodTherapy.org in the article "Active Listening." A confident man is genuinely interested in getting to know you and asking you questions about yourself. Listening to others broadens his understanding of the world, helps to close the differences between himself and someone else and shows that his confidence in himself is strong enough to listen to different views and beliefs, says Christy Matta, group leader and trainer in Mindfulness and Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Groups, and author of "10 Signs of a Confident Communicator" on the website, PsychCentral. A confident man who is actively listening doesn't interrupt or think about what he wants to say when he should be listening. He may show he's listening by a nod of his head or a smile and encourage you to keep talking by giving small verbal cues, such as saying "Uh-huh" or "Tell me more." He may also ask questions to clarify he understands what you are saying.

Comfortable in His Skin

Confident people don't need possessions to define who they are, says Whitney. For example, a fancy car, an expensive house and designer clothes don't change that he is confident. Even without these luxuries, his sense of self remains the same. Confident people take pleasure in their achievements and rather than feel threatened when other's succeed, they try to gain knowledge from them, says Whitney. A confident man realizes that his belongings and achievements do not make him better than anyone else. For example, a confident man will not let it get to him if someone tells him that he is not good enough. A confident man knows that that is not the case and will move on.

About the Author

Stacey Elkins is a writer based in Chicago. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Southern Illinois University in Carbondale and a Masters in social work from the University of Illinois in Chicago, where she specialized in mental health.

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