What exactly is an argument? Generally speaking, it is when two or more people disagree on something. When neither party will give in to the other, there is always the option of "agreeing to disagree," but sometimes you simply want to win. Maybe you need to win because the other party is harming themselves. Maybe they are in danger. Maybe you simply can not stand that they disagree with you. Whatever the case, you can win if you follow some simple steps and maybe adjust your idea of what winning is.
What is Winning?
Be flexible about your concept of winning. If you go through life with the idea that your thoughts are the only ones that matter, you will eventually be very lonely.
Know that you do not have to agree with someone to walk away with your feeling of winning intact. You do not have to prove them wrong and win them over to your side of the argument. The real key to winning an argument is to get the other party to listen to you.
Take a look at what winning means to you. A healthy outlook would be that both people have a say that matters. If the other person walks away feeling that you listened, then they are much more likely to listen in kind. This is the key. If you give something, you generally will get something in return and win the argument.
Winning the Argument Every Time
Gain the other person's trust. You do this first by listening and not talking. Give them the floor, and do not just ignore what they say. Hear them all the way through, and then acknowledge what they have said to make sure that they know you listened and understood.
At this point, you have given them the chance to get their views off of their chest. Make sure that you make it clear that you value what they had to say. If you disagree, state that very clearly with no hatred or angst. In a calm voice, explain to them that you see it differently, and why.
Depending on the type of personality you are dealing with, the other person may try to interrupt and cut you off. Calmly remind them that you gave them a chance to state their views without interruption. You would like the same courtesy. This will generally stop that behavior right away. If not, then repeat it with a bit more firmness.
Finally, once you have stated your case, listen to their reply. The key is for you to control the tempo with your temperament and listening skills. Generally, when two people disagree there is a clear reason why. Find that reason and you can win any argument.
Items you will need
- Good listening skills
- Good communication
- A clear idea of what you want to accomplish
- Remain calm.
- Do not use "should" statements.
- Do not blame or call names.
- Find the underlying disagreement.
- Do not ever escalate an argument.
- Do not ever make an argument personal.
- Always keep control of your voice and mind.
- Julie Southern