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How to Reconcile With an Ex-Boyfriend

by C. Giles, studioD

A breakup is tough, and sometimes you can be left wondering if you have done the right thing. If you made the decision to end your relationship in the heat of the moment or as a knee-jerk reaction to something your ex said or did, you may be regretting it now. The good news is that it's possible to reconcile with an ex-boyfriend, provided he also wants to get back together.

Get back on your feet -- without your ex. Meet up with friends and take part in activities you enjoy. Make having fun and widening your social circles a priority. Try to focus on your own happiness instead of being consumed by thoughts of your ex. This will help to lift your spirits, boost your self-esteem and put you in a better place to attempt a reconciliation.

Identify the reasons for the split and work out how you contributed to the events that led to it. Perhaps there was a lack of trust in your relationship and your ex felt under pressure to account for his every move. Think about your behavior and consider how you might have acted in a different way. In the article "How to Get an Ex Back: 5 Essential Steps" for "Psychology Today," psychologist and marriage counselor Susan Heitler suggests writing down your ex's complaints. Putting his concerns down on paper will help you see exactly what needs to be focused on in order to rebuild the relationship.

Go through each of the issues, one by one. For example, if one of your ex's complaints is that you check up on him constantly when he is out with his friends, you might resolve to make sure you have arrangements of your own in place. Make plans with your own friends. Communicate your concerns with your boyfriend in a more appropriate manner. Clingy, jealous behavior can often push a partner away. Consider counseling to help you deal with these issues and learn the skills required to prevent jealous feelings from turning into jealous behaviors.

Talk to your ex about a possible reconciliation. You both have to be committed to leaving the old relationship behind and working on the issues that caused the breakup. Remember that you split up for a reason and you have to face up to what went wrong the first time around, says couples therapist Robert Buchicchio in the "Cosmopolitan" article "How to Get Back With Your Ex." Agree that you will both take the necessary steps to create a happier, healthier union, advises Heitler. Couples counseling may help you agree on the problems and rectify mistakes.

Begin your new relationship with a positive mindset and an awareness of what needs to be done to make it work this time. Don't let little annoyances get out of control. If your boyfriend used to hate the fact that you were always late, make an effort to be on time. Talk to him about things that are bothering you rather than letting them fester and develop into bigger problems.


  • Don't make an issue out of anything that happened during your split, advises Michael Broder, Ph.D., author of "Can Your Relationship Be Saved?" in the "Cosmopolitan" article "How to Get Back With Your Ex." One or both of you may have dated other people. Leave this in the past and focus on creating a bright future together.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

Photo Credits

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