our everyday life

How to Find a New Boyfriend After a Breakup

by Maura Banar

A breakup can feel devastating and leave you insisting that you’ll “never be in a relationship again.” However, in time and after you’ve processed what led to the breakup, you’ll likely feel compelled to enter the dating pool again. The prospect of starting over can be both exciting and intimidating. You have to fill the free time you previously spent with your former mate. Some of that free time can be spent finding a new boyfriend.

Identify what prevented you from continuing in your previous relationship. Prior to finding a new boyfriend, do some mental processing of what happened, what worked and what didn’t. Take the time after the breakup to grieve the end of your relationship. Jumping into a new relationship just after leaving one doesn’t allow you time to regroup yourself, your self-esteem and your emotions. Dealing with the demise of a relationship can feel similar to grieving the death of someone close to you. You’ll likely experience many, if not all, of the same stages of grief that are typically associated with death.

Venture beyond the confines of your comfort zone. The end of your relationship may have compelled you to retreat into your home, work or other places you can bury yourself away from people you don’t know. If you already have hobbies or interests that regularly take you outside of your home and frequently introduce you to new people, continue to enjoy those activities. You could meet Mr. Right. If you are usually more of a homebody, try to find new activities you might enjoy or have always wanted to explore. If the thought of a group of new people is too intimidating, recruit a friend or family member to join you.

Create one or more profiles on online dating websites. The advent of online dating has made finding someone with whom you are compatible easier. You’ve already taken steps to identify what went right and wrong in your previous relationship, it’s a natural step to now identify what it is that you want in a potential relationship and a potential partner. Avoid approaching online dating as just a means to an end. Instead, focus on having fun and expanding your social circles. Putting less pressure on yourself to find Mr. Right lets you relax, and it also reduces stress that can occur when you do meet someone.

Reach out to your friends, family members and co-workers. Your social supports are an invaluable source of security after a breakup. You won’t feel quite so alone and isolated, and more than likely, the people who know you best know when and how to draw you out of your shell. These same people can also help you network in your quest for a new boyfriend, maybe even introducing you to someone. Put the word out with them, letting them know that you are open to meeting new people. They also can help you emotionally and venture out with you to places and events where you might meet people -- including a potential new boyfriend.

About the Author

Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.

Photo Credits

  • Photodisc/Photodisc/Getty Images