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What Is a Good Conversation Starter With Your Boyfriend?

by Arlin Cuncic, studioD

Sometimes when two people are in a relationship for a while, the conversation starts to get stale. It's not that there's nothing left to discuss, but you tend to let the mundane grind of getting through the day take over and stop trying to get to know each other better or making an effort to keep your interactions fresh and engaging. If you want to try starting a conversation with your boyfriend -- whether you're dating for two weeks or two years -- you need to have some good openers to spark conversation and get him interested in talking.

Use Small Talk Topics

You might want to simply look to the typical range of small-talk topics that strangers usually discuss. Anything from the weather, news, sports, entertainment and even what you are doing at the moment is fair game, says Gretchen Rubin, author of "The Happiness Project," in the Psychology Today article, "A Menu of Options for Small Talk." Ask your boyfriend what he thinks about the latest political scandal in your city or whether he thinks his favorite hockey team will win the Stanley Cup. Ask open-ended questions to which he can't reply with just a simple "yes" or "no" answer. This will encourage some back-and-forth conversation between you.

Get to Know Each Other

If you want to go beyond the obvious, consider using conversation starters to get to know your boyfriend better and not just make small talk. For example, you might ask him to tell you the most adventurous things he's ever done, or his earliest memory, or even what he thinks are his greatest strengths and weaknesses. Ask questions that force your boyfriend to dig a little deeper and open up a bit about himself.

Talk About the Future

If you're thinking about taking the plunge into marriage or having children, you could dive into related conversation topics such as favorite honeymoon locations, places to live and kids' names. Or, you could get serious and ask him to name the five essential values that he would like your children to embrace, suggests the Marriage Missions International website. Just be sure you aren't jumping too soon into a topic for which your boyfriend isn't ready -- or you could scare him away.

Give a Warning

Perhaps there's something serious that you want to discuss with your boyfriend. If you need to talk about a problem that you're having with the relationship or some other "hot button" issue, open the lines of communication by telling your boyfriend that you would like his input on a problem, suggests psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith in the Psychology Today article, "10 Ways to Make Difficult Conversations Easier." Set a time to talk, make a list of questions or issues that you want to discuss and be prepared to end the conversation after a predetermined amount of time so you don't wear each other out, keeping in mind that you can always continue your conversation at a later date. When talking, paraphrase your boyfriend's comments and repeat them back to him, so he knows that you're listening and are interested in what he has to say.

About the Author

Arlin Cuncic has been writing about mental health since 2007, specializing in social anxiety disorder and depression topics. She served as the managing editor of the "Journal of Attention Disorders" and has worked in a variety of research settings. Cuncic holds an M.A. in clinical psychology.

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