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How to Forgive an Ex-Boyfriend

by Lauren Romano

It's not easy to forgive an ex-boyfriend after a relationship ends and you're hurt by his actions. Those who don't want to stay angry or upset might feel better forgiving someone who was quite important at one point, however, it's easier said than done. It's a process and takes work, but it's doable. You can get to a point where you not only forgive your ex-boyfriend, but you're able to move past the hurt he caused you.

Acknowledge your own mistakes. Although your ex-boyfriend was the one to cause you hurt, both of you made mistakes at some point in the relationship, as does every couple. When you are able to be honest with yourself about the mistakes you made in the relationship rather than focusing solely on the ones your ex made, it can help you realize that no one is perfect, but almost everyone deserves forgiveness.

Forgive for yourself, not for your ex. Often, forgiveness isn't so much about the other person as it is about yourself. Carrying negative feelings around can feel like a giant weight and can prevent someone from feeling their best emotionally. Not forgiving your ex isn't punishing him; having the burden of carrying a grudge is punishing yourself for something you didn't even do.

Realize that holding onto negative emotions won't change what happened. Some hold onto the hurt and refuse to forgive because they're so upset about how things ended. Holding a grudge can eat away at you while forgiveness can heal you, but if neither is going to alter the outcome of what happened, your best bet is to forgive. It's the option that's going to have more positive results.

Converse with your ex-boyfriend and be completely honest. Talk to him either in person or on the phone and discuss what it is that you can't seem to forgive. Give your ex time to address your concerns and really listen without interrupting or judging. Sometimes the inability to forgive stems from miscommunication and misinterpretations. Conversing with each other can allow you to forgive him by the end of the conversation, especially if the situation wasn't exactly what you thought it was.

Write a letter to your ex-boyfriend, then burn it. Get out every negative feeling you have toward him. Include the reason why you feel you have to forgive him and why you haven't been able to thus far. When you have nothing left to put on paper, burn the letter without giving it to him, then tell yourself you've done all you could and you're ready to forgive.

About the Author

Lauren Romano became a freelance writer in 2007. Her work appears on various websites and in print. Romano specializes in a variety of topics including dating, travel, New York City, decorating and budget living.

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