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How to Develop a Deep Bond With Your Girlfriend

by Dr. Sonya Lott, studioD

It’s great that you want to develop a deep bond with your girlfriend. It’s what females want in relationships. Actually, it is also what most males want, too, though typically men and women seem to be most comfortable seeking it in different ways, points out Helen Fisher, Ph.D., anthropologist and chief scientific advisor of the dating website Chemistry.com. So Fisher was surprised to discover in an online survey that about 95 percent of both male and female participants chose heart-to-heart conversations and adventurous shared activities as keys to building intimacy.

Maintain physical contact through touching, kissing, hand holding and hugging. When couples engage in any of these types of physical contact, the body releases the chemical oxytocin. The chemical increases trust and emotional bonding in passionate love as well as maternal love.

Participate in shared activities. Tandem sky diving can be an incredibly fun bonding experience. If you aren’t that adventuresome, take exotic vacations together. Other choices of activities to deepen your bond include dancing, partner yoga and meditation classes.

Spend time talking about your feelings for her, your hopes, dreams and fears. Sharing such personal information makes you more emotionally vulnerable. When you are able to share this part of you and trust that it is taken in by your partner without judgment, it helps you to feel more connected to her emotionally. Most women understand that this level of sharing is something that most men are not comfortable with. Your willingness to be vulnerable with her also helps her feel closer to you.

Engage in active listening. When you are actively listening to a partner, you are present in the “here and now” with her. You are not thinking about what you are going to say in response. You are giving her your undivided attention. This lets the partner who is sharing know that you genuinely care about her and feel that what she has to say is important.

About the Author

Sonya Lott, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania, who offers online and in office counseling to individuals struggling with grief, loss or a life transition. She also facilitates mental health workshops for educational, professional, and community groups and maintains a blog on her website www.drsonyalott.com.

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