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How to Deal With Rejection From a Boyfriend

by Elise Wile

Marilyn Monroe once said, "Sometimes I feel my whole life has been one big rejection." This just goes to show that rejection happens to everyone, no matter how good-looking, wealthy or acclaimed. What's important is how you deal with it. Knowing that it's going to hurt for a while and then making the choice to move ahead with life in spite of it will help you to get over your ex.

Flip Your Script

If you find yourself questioning your attractiveness or worth as a person, challenge those ideas by questioning their logic, validity and usefulness, advises psychologist Pamela Garcy, Ph.D. in a March 2013 "Psychology Today" article. Instead of viewing the ended relationship as a failure on your part, look at it as a learning experience. Rather than falling for the idea that your boyfriend left you because you aren't smart enough, dig out your old SAT scores. Jettison any thought about the ended relationship that doesn't serve your best interests.

Practice Psychological Flexibility

Having a flexible mind is as good as having a flexible body -- both help to prevent pain. According to the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices, psychological flexibility is the ability to engage in positive behaviors even when you are struggling with negative thoughts and emotions. You can do this by accepting that the situation is unpleasant and will result in some difficult feelings. Remind yourself that "this too shall pass" and allow yourself to feel your emotions so they can move out of your way.

Learn and Grow

Change is always difficult, but essential for growth. Look at your broken relationship as an opportunity you can learn from. Rather than wasting time blaming your ex-boyfriend or berating yourself for not being "good enough," put that energy into examining the reasons behind the failure of the relationship. Perhaps you'll learn that you tend to connect with men who are wrong for you, or that you need to work on a problem with insecurity that distances people. Whatever the case, if you focus on future growth rather than the past, you're sure to come out ahead.

Get a Little Help From Your Friends

Your boyfriend may have decided that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, but your friends appreciate who you are. Make more time to hang out with these people who affirm that you are a worthy and valuable person, while focusing on what you can do to make them feel fabulous about themselves as well. Meeting up with a buddy or two for a Zumba class definitely beats sitting at home alone watching "Downton Abbey" and over-identifying with Lady Edith.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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