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How to Deal With Feelings of Rejection by a Husband

by Candice Coleman

Marriages eventually run into problems, and you may find find yourself feeling neglected and rejected by your husband. While these feelings can come from what your husband does or says, they may also surface because of unhappiness stemming from other areas of your life. Professional counseling can also help you uncover the reasons for these feelings.

Looking Within

Friendships may vanish from neglect, and the pursuit of hobbies and interests outside of the marriage may disappear as spouses become more dependent on one another, according to marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer, in the Psych Central article "Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship?" This can trigger greater dependence on your husband, and when your husband is unable to fulfill all of your needs, you may find yourself feeling rejected by him. Becoming more involved in a life outside of your marriage -- by joining clubs, attending religious services or volunteering -- can leave you more satisfied with yourself and your marriage, according to the HelpGuide article "Relationship Help."

Sexual Rejection

Mental or physical health problems, stress and fatigue, or communication problems in the marriage can all contribute to a decrease in sexual encounters and an increase in feelings of rejection, according to the TwoofUs.org article "Lack of Sexual Intimacy: What It Means and How to Deal with It." Ignoring the problem or assuming that your husband is aware of your feelings will only encourage the problem to continue. You might say, "I feel hurt and rejected when you turn me down for sex, because it makes me think that you no longer feel attracted to me," according to the GoodTherapy.org article "'I' Message." You might also suggest a few ideas that could get things back up to speed in the bedroom, such as getting an evaluation with a doctor, scheduling sex, reducing his workload or asking that he initiate sex more often.

Talking It Out

Maybe your husband is working longer hours than he once did, or spending the majority of his free time hanging out with his friends and other family. You might say, "I feel lonely when you spend each weekend with your friends, because I feel that we are growing apart. I would like it if we could leave one day open every weekend to spend time together," according to licensed psychologist Guy Winch in the Psychology Today article "What to Do When You Feel Rejected by Your Spouse or Partner." Encourage your husband to share his views on the situation. He may also want changes in the marriage from your end, or the two of you may be able to reach a compromise -- such as reserving a few nights during the week for you, while spending time with friends and family on the weekend.

Other Strategies

Focusing on spending more time together and spicing things up can ward off feelings of rejection. Taking on a new hobby, like learning a language together, or taking a class at a community center or college can provide a way for the two of you to connect, according to HelpGuide. Scheduling in time together, such as spending 15 minutes talking together in the morning, can also be a helpful way to encourage bonding. However you handle your feelings of rejection, remember to approach your husband with kindness and consideration -- blaming or insulting him, or growing aggressive or withdrawn can increase feelings of rejection.

About the Author

Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.

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