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How Do I Confront a Friend Who Has Treated Me Rudely?

by Eliza Martinez

Most friendships encounter rough patches, but working through them can keep your relationship strong. It's never easy when a friend treats you rudely, but confronting her allows you to let her know how you feel and gives her a chance to apologize. On the other hand, if rudeness dominates your interactions and your friend never treats you kindly anymore, it's probably time to distance yourself from the relationship. Talk to your friend and work through the problem so you can make the best decision regarding the future of your friendship.

Don't wait too long before you confront your friend about her rudeness. Take a bit of time to cool off, and then talk to her. The longer you let it go on, the longer hurt feelings can fester. In addition, if you let it go on for too long, your friendship might drift apart. Ask her to meet you in a neutral location where you'll have a bit of privacy, such as a coffee shop or park bench.

Tell your friend what she did to upset you and why you feel it was rude. For example, let her know that her rude language or the fact that she walked away from your conversation to answer her cellphone made you feel unimportant, left out or angry.

Keep your emotions in check. When someone is rude to you, it can be hard to keep your hurt feelings or anger from cropping up. But getting emotional can put your friend on the defensive and make her feel attacked, which won't make it easy to resolve the problem. Stay calm and use a pleasant tone of voice to let your friend know that her rudeness upset you, and then talk about how to prevent it from happening in the future.

Talk to your friend without other friends around. The sooner you address the rudeness, the sooner you can resolve it. However, it's important to talk things out when you're alone because a group of your other friends might start taking sides. This can elevate the conflict and make it difficult to work things out together.

See your friend's perspective. Maybe she was rude to you because she got bad news, was laid off from work or was jealous about your upcoming wedding, promotion at work or new pregnancy. If this is the case, her rudeness probably didn't have anything to do with you and was a reaction to something else. Try to be understanding about this and it will be easier to resolve the conflict and move on with your friendship.

Tip

  • If you retaliated at your friend's rudeness by saying mean things about her to other friends, being rude in return or ignoring her for days, apologize for your part in the conflict.

About the Author

Eliza Martinez has written for print and online publications. She covers a variety of topics, including parenting, nutrition, mental health, gardening, food and crafts. Martinez holds a master's degree in psychology.

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