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How to Break Out of the Friend Zone

by Christie Hartman

Are you single and attracted to someone who enjoys being around you but doesn’t seem interested in anything beyond friendship? If so, you’re in the "friend zone." In some cases, this person may tell you, “Let’s just be friends.” In other cases, he may not realize you’re interested in dating. Either way, if you want to take things to the next level, you will have to take actions that can help the object of your desire express an attraction to you.

Make Your Move

Although it’s fine to get to know someone and even to develop a friendship before you begin dating, you don’t want to wait too long. Waiting too long sends “friendship” signals. Once you know you’re interested and feel comfortable with your friend, make your move. Ask her out on a date. Tell him you’d like to get together some time. If you’ve been spending time together, go in for a kiss. If your interest is reciprocated, great. If not, at least you know the truth and can either accept the friendship for what it is or move on.

Back Off

If you’ve developed a friendship with someone and she seems disinterested in taking it to the next level, back off. The person you like has become used to your friendship, phone calls, advice and company. Giving friendship in the hopes of getting more in the future rarely works and will only frustrate you. If you stop behaving like a friend, the object of your affection may learn to see you differently.

Start Dating Others

If you want a friendship to turn into a romantic relationship, start dating other people. Talk about your dates with the person who interests you; after all, friends talk about who they’re dating, right? Knowing that you’re dating other people can help him begin to see you as desirable and may trigger attraction. And if it doesn’t, at least you’re exploring options with other people who might return your feelings.

Take Preventative Measures

The best way to break out of the friend zone is to avoid getting in it in the first place. When people wind up there, it’s often because they accept friendship instead of risking rejection or recognizing the reality that the person they like isn’t interested in more. Waiting around and hoping the person will change rarely works. Try the above tips. If they don’t work, you know you've done your best and it's time to move on to someone else.

References

  • How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Secrets for Turning a Female Friend into a Lover

About the Author

Christie Hartman is a psychologist and author of five dating and relationship books. She has written for several online publications and has been published in numerous scientific journals in the areas of mental health and addiction. Christie earned her master’s and doctoral degrees from the University of Colorado.

Photo Credits

  • Jupiterimages/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images